Loss of my soulmate of 52 years

[Emz2014]

Sending a hug Colin. Anniversaries are hard  xx

[Tony07]

I know exactly how you feel Colin, I am missing my Carolyn so much, I would give anything for this pain to go away but I don't think it ever will, I feel lost, alone and without purpose. I feel I am in a nightmare and can't wake up. This month it will be 4 years since Carolyn died and it seems like yesterday. I am so bloody angry and resentful  that Carolyn was ripped out of my life, my world was built around her and now nothing else matters. I just feel passed my sell-by date now and will be glad when its my time, no frills etc just had enough. I am not enjoying life at all, I met a lovely lady and we get on well most of the time but its not Carolyn, I miss my soul mate and the little things we did  together, I would even now go shopping with her lol. God willing we will meet again  soon.  I just feel like I am being punished, but for what???   

[Karena]

 :hug:thinking of you Colin.
The trouble with the idea of seeing them once more, is that once more will never be enough.

[Hubby]

Wise words Karena.

[colin]

Having a really bad day just cannot get over losing my Pat,not seen a sole all day feel like no-one wants me,my Son lives local and we speak nightly and see each other 1or2 times a week I try to explain how I feel and how sad I am,he says its no different for him,he misses his mum so much as well.This doesnt help me a great deal,still hurting and cry for my Pat every waking moment.Really dreading xmas not putting any decorations up etc life will never be the same and to celebrate xmas without my darling would be like a betrayal to enjoy life without her.Iloved her with all my heart,miss her so much.Trying to stay positive as much as possible,going to start clay pigeon shooting soon to get me out and mix with others this may help only time will tell. :candle:sweet dreams my darling till we are together again.

[Hubby]

It is different for your son Colin.its true that you both miss Pat.  He has lost his mum but a lot if his life goes on as it did before. You have lost your life partner and everything has changed.

I think you have made a good decision to take up clay pigeon shooting. As you say it will get you out mixing with others I am coming round to thinking that this is a key part to us moving forward. Being alone with our thoughts only seems to drag us down.

Wishing you strength.

[colin]

Still having a hard time coping with the loss of my Pat,after nearly 8months life just dont get easier at times I ask myself why go on,I know I must for my darlings sake she would be saying get on with it thats the sort of lady she was,so full of love for me,but its so hard.I have had no support other than my G.P. and 2 sessions with Mcmillan,feeling so lost and lonely and broken hearted.

[Emz2014]

The first year is so hard Colin  its a very gradual journey. 
There is always someone here that cares.  Xx

[Hubby]

This is hard Colin. I think all we can do is plod on and trust those further along the journey whe tell us it will get easier to cope. Every day we get through is another obstacle behind us.

Take care

[colin]

Hi All,Not been on the forum for a few days,feeling so lost and lonely without my Pat,shed tears daily just don;t seem that life is worth going on,every night I pray that I dont wake up so I can be with my Pat oncemore but forever this time,spoken with cruse it helped a little,she said that what I am going through is normal and life will improve and get better over time and the memories will keep us together.My love for Pat is so great and will never faulter,she is my life and the only reason for me to carry on the best I can till we are once again together,love and miss her so much.sweetdreams my darling love you forever.

[Hubby]

Hi Colin. Like you I long to be back with my wife. If there was an off button on me I would willingly press it.  As it is I am muddling through each day not really liking it but doing my best.

If it is any consolation I did have one positive sign today. After a few weeks of absolute misery today I actually had a memory that made me happy without feeling upset afterwards. I never expected that. I thought I was stuck so it goes to show that we can move forward even though it is a very slow process. Perhaps you will have such a moment soon,

Stay strong

  <----Man hug

[colin]

Thanks Hubby for your reply,the feelings of loss and lonliness just seem to overwhelm everything I do,like you the off button seems to be the answer to all our problems,but we all must strive to go forwards our loved ones would not wish or want us to do anything silly.The only thing that keeps me going in some degree is the fact that we will be together once again with one another for always and so in love.
 we must stay strong.
                                  Regards
                                         Colin.

[Hubby]

It is overwhelming sometimes Colin. I try and keep myself busy to distract myself but it always seems to catch up with me. Then again I wouldn't expect it not to. Our partners were the main part of our lives.

[Pete]

similar situation to you Colin feel the same,i do get a bit of comfort when i imagine my wife gives me a hug,i try and get out as much as possible or when in i have lights on tv on and radio on when i go to bed just to stop thinking,it does not make it any better but i would be told off by my vin if i did not try and do something .hope my thoughts help a bit.

[colin]

Hi to all,
     42 weeks on Saturday since I lost the love of my life,my Darling Pat,feeling so lost and alone still finding it difficult to go further than my local Supermarket,just want to get back home to my Pat a.s.a.p. Stiil waiting for approval from Notts Police re my Gun Licence,once granted it will get me out with my Son and give me the motivation to do things,but I will always be on my own with my thoughts and memories of happy times that I shared with my Pat once back Home.The loss of my lifelong lover at most times is to great to bear,basically you just go from day to day living the nightmare and asking why I could not have done more to save my Sweetheart and live a long happy life together.Miss you so so much baby,love you till the end of time when we will be re-united forever.