It is tough Colin, people don't realise how the loss of a long time partner affects us, it's approx 20wks for me, but somehow we have to carve some form of a life for ourselves and I know only too well how hard that is to do, in the early days I did have some dark alternative thoughts occasionally, but our lost one wouldn't want that and neither would our families.
It's getting used to being alone that I find hard, almost 49yrs is a long time, I miss her so much, as you obviously do too with your dear wife Pat. Today 3rd Sept would have been my wife's 67th birthday, I bought a card a couple of weeks ago, I've filled it in and it's sitting on top of her casket in the lounge. My daughter still sent her Mum a card too, it arrived today Rather than go for a evening meal out on my own I've invited my younger brother and his wife and their 9yr old granddaughter who is staying with them at the moment along for a treat for them, and of course for the company this evening.
Yesterday was not a good day, as I had a couple of short crying sessions, but these are becoming less frequent, though I've still to go a whole week without some tears running. AYS developing some interests and trying to socialise a little more will help, and I know this is something I also need to do more of. I've booked another week up in the highlands of Scotland at the end of the month, including a couple nights in Premier Inn, near Lancaster, so I'm away for 9 days in all. I like driving, but I know, as it was last time, it will be a very lonely holiday again.
I wish you much strength Colin, all we can do is plod on the best we can.
You take care my friend...