Loss of my soulmate of 52 years

[colin]

Hi Julie,
           Thanks for your reply to my posting,I don't think life will ever be the same without our loved one.The interest in life is just not there anymore at this moment in time,everyone says it will get easier to cope,but on talking everything over with my G.P.he says the feelings will never go away,we will always be in grief but will learn to cope a little bit better.The main thing that keeps me going is the thought of being together again one day along with the support of my Son and Family,my Son suffers more with anger at the loss of his mum,he does not say a lot but I know he misses his mum so much.This group has been great support to us all that are in this position,thanks all

[Soleil]

Hi Colin,

I understand how you feel and this is just part of grief there are ups and downs all along the way and often you feel you are back where you started and it is normal. The spacing may get further apart but they can still be quite intense. I spoke with a psychiatrist and she said that grief is never finished so try as you can to make it an unwelcome companion of sorts. It will get better but the deeper the love, the deeper the grief.  You will never be able to rush grief along, it takes it's own time but slowly you will feel a new normal that you may not even like but it will be the new normal of trying to adjust to living without your loved one.

Sending all who are grieving a hug   

[Hubby]

We've been forced into a new life Colin and that's going to take some getting used to. At the moment I feel a bit lost and without purpose. I go through the days without any real interest in anything I am doing but I'm hoping that, as I begin to cope better, I can pick up the pieces and find my way again.

Until then it's got to be one day at a time

Stay strong.

[colin]

 Hi Everyone,
                21weeks since the loss of my princess,my darling Pat,finding it very difficult to cope with the loss of my Pat,memories flooding back of happy times we spent together always produce tears and heartache,cry non stop on a daily basis at the moment can't see a future without my one and only love.Dreading the long dark nights coming soon,so so lonely and lost,when will it end,Trying to find an interest to occupy my time which involves meeting people,considering taking up airgun shooting at local clubs but don't feel that I can leave my Baby for to long,the pain of loss just keeps holding me back.
                                  Best Wishes to all.

[Brian71]

It is tough Colin,  people don't realise how the loss of a long time partner affects us,  it's approx 20wks for me,  but somehow we have to carve some form of a life for ourselves and I know only too well how hard that is to do, in the early days I did have some dark alternative thoughts occasionally, but our lost one wouldn't want that and neither would our families.

It's getting used to being alone that I find hard, almost 49yrs is a long time,  I miss her so much, as you obviously do too with your dear wife Pat.   Today 3rd Sept would have been my wife's 67th birthday,  I bought a card a couple of weeks ago,  I've filled it in and it's sitting on top of her casket in the lounge.  My daughter still sent her Mum a card too, it arrived today    Rather than go for a evening meal out on my own I've invited my younger brother and his wife and their 9yr old granddaughter who is staying with them at the moment along for a treat for them, and of course for the company this evening.

Yesterday was not a good day, as I had a couple of short crying sessions,  but these are becoming less frequent,  though I've still to go a whole week without some tears running.   AYS developing some interests and trying to socialise a little more will help, and I know this is something I also need to do more of.  I've booked another week up in the highlands of Scotland at the end of the month,  including a couple nights in Premier Inn, near Lancaster, so I'm away for 9 days in all.  I like driving,  but I know,  as it was last time, it will be a very lonely holiday again.
I wish you much strength Colin, all we can do is plod on the best we can.

You take care my friend...   

[mike59]

Hello you poor People I too know how it feels to Loose A wonderful Wife/Friend/Sole Mate / I was Married To my Wife (Gail) for 38 absolute True Love Years. I Lost Gail In Fehuary This year 2016, too Lung Cancer she was Diagnosed in December It was st stage 4 and so far advanced tgat they Couldn't Cure or due anything  but keep her Comfortable but she had 2 sessions of Chemo Which apparently my Adult children were told by the Consultant it was Responding so well it was a miracle it had gone drom the size of a Small Melon shrinking down to a Golf Ball size (the actual words expressed in frobt of my wife and 3 Children) you should be having a Party to celebrate  we were all Delighted at the news the Following 5 days were Awful  as I kept a vigil refusing to leave my wife As I loved Her with all My Heart my life feels as if I'm Play acting with little or no forfill ment, and to Read here How Obviously Most of us here feel so strongly or possitive about Looking or Funding another Partner, I strongly Agree I could never Possibly Love or even want to meet another Partner I think firstly I feel as if I would be Betraying Gail & also My Heart Loves Another who to me is aet in Stone never to be Broken) sorry for Long Post, I haven't Posted for a while  as I like you I get very Tearful daily because my Missing My Lovely Gail I think of her every minute of the Day, Love to you all I hope You can Find Peace  xx them are Friendly kisses I want the males to be my friend I think there isn't enough Male love without people getting the wrong Idea.

[Karena]

One thing that has struck me of late Mike is that you guys are supporting each other really well Its nice to see and nice that we live in a world where guys can talk about feelings and support each other without silly innuendo spoiling it.

[colin]

Hi,Brian,Mike and  Karena,
   Thanks for your replies to my posting, we all have one thing in common we have loved and lost our true loves and miss them so so much, the one thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that one day we will be re-united with our loved ones again,but this time it will be forever and we will be happy and in love always.You will gather from this posting that I firmly believe in life after death,I hope that you all agree and it helps in some way. :hug:Bless you all for your kind words of support.
                                                                                                           Colin.

[mike59]

Thankyou for your Kind reply Colin, I also agree with Life After Death maybe it is Heaven or some place we and our souls Gather Together, since Loosing my Gail I have regained my Faith & understood or Believed in what we cwll Heaven a subject that interests me greatly. .... Hoping you all have a Peaceful Sunday and days Ahead

                                                                   

[Karena]

I believe in an afterlife too,but I,m not sure what heaven is,The world is so beautiful where it hasn't been destroyed by humans,I don't know what could possibly top it,except the world with our loved ones in it,and without violence against any part of it.

[Julie Magson]

I've had my faith severely tested over the years- especially when such a good kind man as Alan was suffering as much as he did, he did nothing to deserve it. I find it hard to understand how God can allow these things. I don't know what I believe in after death - I sometimes wish I did have a strong faith, I'm sure it would help now.

[colin]

Hi all,
           Having a really bad few days,still can't get over the loss of my Patricia,my precious,the love of my life,we would have been married 52yrs this October 3rd,life can never be the same without her by my side,cry most days for my lover I'am so lost and lonely,even my Son,who is a great support does not know the pain and torment I go through when I am on my own,the key turns in the lock at night and the tears and loneliness begins. Thanks for listening to my ranting.
                                                                                              Colin.

[Julie Magson]

That sounds so familiar Colin, a lot of us are feeling like this right now and I'm sure the Autumn and darker nights don't help either. Plus you have an Anniversary coming up. I know it's horrible but I do believe that the more you can cry now the better you grieve- it has to be let out or it would just burst. Although my children are wonderful, I am aware that they have to get on with their lives and I'm sure they wonder how long I'm going to be like this for, they suggest things I am just nowhere near ready for doing yet. (nearly 5 months for me). No one can truly understand if they haven't gone through it.

[colin]

Hi Julie,
       Thanks for your reply to my posting,you are so right in what you say,without being in this dark lonely place no-one really understands our feelings of loss and grief we are going through,friends say it will get better over time,I don't want it to get better, we will always be in this place till we are re-united with our love one again in the other side of life.You will gather from this that I'am a believer in Life after Death and most professionals,i.e G.Ps agree. Once again thanks for listening.
                                                                                                 Colin.

[Hubby]

How right you are about nobody knowing how much we grieve when we're alone. Only those who have been through this can have any inkling of how bad it really is. Everybody else just sees the masks we put on.

I seem to remember reading somewhere that psychologists reckon it takes at least two years to 'recover' from a bereavement. I think that sounds a little optimistic.

Hoping you have a few better days