Hello

[Trevor]

My name is Trevor. I am 66 years old and I live alone with my 5 dogs, 6 chickens and a duck. My wife died aged 61 years 11 weeks ago. We had been married for just over 30 years. She died following a courageous battle with cancer and she died here at home in her bed. I love and miss her more than I can say and every day I go to her room, pull up a chair and talk to her. Every day I sit there and cry. Seems much like self harming to be but I can't stop going there and I don't think I want to stop. Life though seems pointless, not that I want to hurt myself but everything we planned for our future and everything here in the house seems pointless. The cancer support groups who promised to help have not been in touch and I put on a brave face when my family visits. So the only souls who really see my grief are my dogs.

[pennyking]

Hi Trevor and welcome.  So sorry for the loss of your wife.  We are all here to listen if you want to talk Trevor.  Sending massive hugs .
Penny x

[Emz2014]

Sending a welcome hug 
My dogs over the years have been a huge comfort to me, I had 3 dogs together for many years and certainly kept me going through hard times
Keep talking with us  xx

[Trevor]

Thank you Penny and Emz. I'm not sure where I go from here. Should I now move from the introduction forum to one of the others to discuss issues?
I am a bit of an emotional wreck at the moment and would like to find out if others are suffering the same kind of problems as me or if I need some kind of other help. Some days I don't seem to get beyond sitting and thinking about it all which feels damaging mentally. I think I just need to ask some questions and somehow "compare" what folk are going through. I hope that makes sense.

[Emz2014]

You can continue writing on this post, or set up a new one in the other sections. 
If it's a specific question, it may help to get replies by popping it in one of the other areas as the subject/title can reflect the question.  Never worry that anything is in the wrong place, we can help you move it if you need, and you can start as many posts as you like  xx

[Karena]

Hi Trevor.It is natural to cry and talk too our loved ones and.for some time to comeSix years in i cry rarely but still talk to my husband . His dressing gown still hangs on the back of the door. The acute pain of early days does subside into something more of a chronic ache with flareups evety so often.and you can start to build some kind of life around that gaping hole they leave but its.a fragile fence at first sometimes you fall back in the hole but it becomes easier to drag yourself back out and the fence gets stronger but i dont think the hole ever really closes.That doesnt mean that you will never be happy again though.I also wrote here that my life was pointless that i was pointless. Our dog was very much instrumental in helping me just walking him getting me out into the natural world and being behind the door when i came in from work so the house was neve really empty.Sadly he has also gone now but i look after other peoples dogs when they go on holiday.I have also travelled and done voluntary work and re visited places we both loved and discovered i still do.I will always miss him but he faught for his life and i am trying to live the rest of mine for both of us.
 

[Trevor]

Thank you so much Karena. I can really feel that you have been through what I am going through now and your description of how the early days are, is spot on. Where I really struggle at the moment is that my wife died at home in her bed just as she wished. But it was not peaceful, slipping away quietly or any of those other cliches we hear about. The final two days were awful and I wake up in the night reliving them. I was grateful to be able to be there holding her hand and talking to her when she finally passed but it's difficult to balance that against the difficult time leading up to that. So, it is very hard to remember the "good times" when my head is full of that. Sorry, I am rambling.
I found an understanding in the words you wrote and I thank you.

[Karena]

I understand about that too. :hug:It is very difficult and it is early days it takes a while before you can focus on anything but the last days.One thing i did try was to imagine those pictures as cards then collect especially good memorys and imagine those onto cards too -so when my mind showed me one of the awful things i saw it on the card and was able to then visulise physically replacing that card with one of the good ones.Hope that doesnt sound too bizare or mad but it did help a bit on those sleepless nights.