Thank you so much Karena. I can really feel that you have been through what I am going through now and your description of how the early days are, is spot on. Where I really struggle at the moment is that my wife died at home in her bed just as she wished. But it was not peaceful, slipping away quietly or any of those other cliches we hear about. The final two days were awful and I wake up in the night reliving them. I was grateful to be able to be there holding her hand and talking to her when she finally passed but it's difficult to balance that against the difficult time leading up to that. So, it is very hard to remember the "good times" when my head is full of that. Sorry, I am rambling.
I found an understanding in the words you wrote and I thank you.