Hello,
I am 24 years old and I've never experienced any bereavements except my grand father 4 years ago. However since October last year I have lost 5 loved ones, one friend, my family dog, my dad, my grand father and my grand mother.
I lost my dad, grandfather and grandmother all within 2-3 weeks and all those that I have lost were sudden as such.
My friend passed away in a car accident l, I felt I grieved the loss of her as expected, I went through all the emotions. My dad had been unwell for years through alcoholism and although he had detorriated since January I didn't expect him to pass so soon, he went into hospital and I was told 2 days prior he would be discharged which was the norm every time he went in. It wasn't until I was called in and told he wasn't going to live more than a few days that I realised how serious it was. He passed away next to me when I asleep hours later. My mothers dad then passed away suddenly followed by my dads mother. Although they both were unwell with dementia I still didn't expect it so soon.
I don't feel I have grieved properly for any of them, I was openly upset and emotional a few days after my dad passing but when I got the news about my grandparents I was almost like I was numb, I don't think I have cried for any of them except at their funerals. I go to work every day and act like my normal self (to the surprise of my colleagues) and try and go about my life as normal, like nothing's happened. It actually upsets me more thinking that I'm not grieving properly. I'm such a family orientated person and I revolved a lot of my life around my dad so why aren't I feeling the massive hole of emptyness that I haven't got to thinking or worry about him?
I only ever feel emotionally unstable of an evening, I struggle to go to sleep and I have a feeling of deep sadness and anxiety, but not for my loved ones, my brain tries to focus on anything other than them, things that upset me and make me rethink bad times in my life but none of these relating to any of them.
Is this normal? I just want to grieve properly as I'm scared it will hit me a million times harder at a random point in my life.
Sorry if this makes no sense.