Feeling so very low

[Brian71]

In reality Hubby,  I think many of us have those thoughts,  but for various reasons we never act on them, because that's what they are, just thoughts, and of course none of us want to cause even more upset to members of our family,  so we pick ourselves up and move on.

[mike59]

I agree in what you both said and feel Im sure that there is a reason for Feeling the way we do,Ive also Been there After Gail had passed I had a terrible time with Faith for years I hadnt any Because of a bad Situation when I was very young and It involved Sunday school, one day I will explain that story. but I did contact my Local church because of a lovely lady on this Forum Helped me to Decide I will always be in her Debt, contacting the church I got Total Solice I felt very comfortable, unfortunatley my Health had failed me in the past few months after a simple Groin Hernia operation my physical well being has been Low as well as my Mental state ( deep Depression) somthing I know a lot about, at one Point in time a few months ago I am on over 30+ tablets a Day for several Complaints I have, I sat there alone my son was out I was so very Low I put all my tablets on the Table and Thought well Gail Im on my way to you Now, it was fairly late at night about midnight, I opend all the bottles and emptied my Blister pack, then that bloody telephone rang Being me I had to answer it , my daughter was 7 months pregnant with an IVF Baby she had  a few problem she telephoned for reassurance, which I gave her of course I couldnt leave it there I had to run over to see her, I was there half an hour,there were a Lot of things going through my Mind at that time Driving back Home ( I cant even remember driving that night but trust me I cried my Eyes out and the Noises I made were awful, after that night I began to try think Possative, My grand daughter for one how could I be so selfish to all my family but when we are all so Low its easy to slip into our own world, sorry to rant on ( I know I run on too much at times) but Like you all I have some Idea how you feel and can recognise everything you say, this is why its such a good thing to try let your feelings known on here somone always responds one way or another, we shouldnt suffer alone if you know what I mean. take care all of you you lovely people.

                                                                                                                                mike

[Rosaleen]

Before you edit it out, just wanted to say a big  thank you for being so very honest about the whole thing. I know many of us contemplate, or have contemplated, the s word.

[Karena]

That's why I decided to ban myself completely from alcohol.I didn't drink much before and very rarely now ,but I didn't trust myself to stop if I started or to not do something  regrettable if I did get to that tipping point .

[Brian71]

Your right Karena,  I don't normally drink either,  that was a one off never to be repeated....I hope.

[Hubby]

Thanks for that post Brian. I think it shows that the times when We aren't thinking clearly, whether that be because our minds are clouded by grief, alcohol or whatever, are the most dangerous times for us.

[colin]

Hi Every one, I have not been on the forum for several weeks,but reading all your thoughts and feelings is exactly how I have been feeling,my Pat passed away 9/4/16 since then my life as been a turmoil of emotions,I have just gone through our 52nd Wedding Anniversary 3 Oct then my darlings Birthday 7Nov,now coming up Xmas,I cant bring myself to go Xmas shopping so I have took the easy way out and given Money to my Son and family to get what they want.Dreading all that Xmas brings I feel that life is at a standstill I feel so lost and on my own,I speak with my Son daily and see him 2/3 times a week,this o/k but when I am on my own with my thoughts of past happy times that is when it comes home to me that I am alone in this world,my Pat is back Home with me and I always talk to her daily I like many sleep with the last nightdress she used.I still blame myself for not saving her as I promised and not doing enough.She had lung cancer 3 1/2 years ago which was treated or so we was told,this over a period time progressed into brain tumours,which eventually took her from me.At this moment in time I have more bad days and Imiss my baby so much.Starting a new hobby of Clay Shooting soon i hope this gives me the will to carry on and meet people. so sad and lonely.

[Emz2014]

It's still early in your journey Colin.  Take those little steps, rest when you need and remember plenty of TLC, we're all here for you on this journey 
Hope the clay pigeon shooting helps, connecting with others should help a bit  :hearts:xx

[Hubby]

It's hard Colin much harder than we could ever have imagined it to be.

[mike59]

Colin my friend dont be so hard on yourself, I am sure your wife or nobody else Blames you, I often Feel Guilty Too for things I should or should not have done, I am also Possitive  our Partners wouldnt want us to think this, they loved us if the boot were on the other Foot im sure they would be thinking the way we do, Like you some day I read the posts here and Sob my heart out, its a very hard Journey for all of us, we are Among friends here and should say how we feel, somtimes I feel so low I just cannot Post here, either Way Colin Look after your self try keep in touch, this Family here can and will help us all.


                                                                                                                  ......Mike

[colin]

Hi Mike, Emz ,Hubby,
      Thank you all for your replies and support over the last few months,your comments of support means so much and I dont feel so alone,I will try to keep in touch with you all on the forum .In the mean time stay strong and if at all possible have a good xmas and a happier new year,once again many thanks for being here and your friendship.

[Hubby]

Thank you Colin for coming on here and letting us know it's not just me who find it difficult to cope

All through my life I thought people lost somebody close, cried for a week or two, had the funeral then got on with their lives as if nothing had happened.  When it happened to me I thought there must be something wrong with me not being able to 'shrug it off'. It is only through reading the experiences of people like yourself and others on here that has helped me realise that I am normal. That means a lot to me, more than you could imagine.

Take care and I hope you have better days ahead.

[Brian71]

Those are my thoughts too Hubby, Colin,   4th of December will make it 8mths for me, and some days can still be quite tough,
I had a trigger today when making sure I'd completely emptied my car as it goes back to the dealer tomorrow, and I thought I had removed everything.  I suddenly realised I had not checked to see if anything was in the slide in draw under Anns seat, and in there was Ann's last new prescription sunglasses and a purse, which contained 6 £1 coins, and in the notes side of the purse was a solitary photo of the 2 of us together taken about 3yrs ago when we were on holiday on Anglesey, in Wales.   I recall placing the camera on a wall and taking the shot using the camera's 30sec timer.  It was quite a nice picture and remember printing it off to put it in a small picture frame,  but the first one I printed off was not the right size for the frame, and remember giving her that first one to cut up and bung in the bin.

I didn't know she had cut it down, and popped it into this purse, in fact I didn't know this other purse was in the car, as her main purse she used all the time is still here in a draw in the bedroom,  with the same 2 fivers in it, and the same change... exactly as she left it.    So finding that, especially as I nearly left it in the car,  triggered a tearful session.
I keep Ann's wedding ring in her purse,  I did wear it for a while on my little finger,  but was always worried I'd lose it, as it came off quite easily especially when washing my hands, and came close to losing it a few times.   It's the most precious thing I have, and would be inconsolable if I were to lose it, so better safe than sorry.

[longedge]

For some reason I don't understand, I got out of bed last Sunday morning and felt different. I hadn't been out of the house for 4 or 5 days but I got up at a reasonable time for the first time in weeks and when I'd had my breakfast and tidied up, I put my jacket on and went shopping, for quite a long time I've just ordered online for home delivery. After taking my shopping home and putting it away I set off again and went to my eldest daughters who was surprised but delighted to see me. We had a coffee and then I drove us to my grandsons house and picked him and his partner up and all went off to a garden centre. I was pleased with myself on Sunday but thought that I was just having a good day for once but so far it is lasting. I've been and ordered a new car today .

I've been horribly depressed for several months but, fingers crossed, it's eased. I've concluded that when it's bad, it's OK to just hunker down and wait until it gets better. 13 months have come and gone and in all that time this is the first time that I am starting to think about my future and not just wish I was not here at all.

It's a little message of hope - I hope 

[Emz2014]

Thats a lovely message of hope  during the hardest times it's too easy to start to believe it will never get easier, but the days do come, so is a strong message to never give up.  Maybe bunker down and increase TLC during the tough times, but never quit xx