Author Topic: Six months (Read 80031 times)

Hubby · « **Reply #240 on:** December 26, 2016, 01:37:06 AM »

Hi all. I'm glad today is over.

I can't remember what I did on Friday. I know I went to the market in the morning with Billy but the rest of the day is blank.

Yesterday we went to Margarets grave with wreaths, festive arrangements etc and it looked really nice. That was quite upsetting. A friend asked me out for a few drinks in the evening but I drank too much and ended up absolutely plastered.

Of course I woke up this morning with a bad hangover. This rapidly turned into me feeling really sorry for myself and just wanting to stay in bed. My daughters finally persuaded me to go next door for Christmas dinner and my youngest did a really good job of it too but I just couldn't get in the mood. Little Ollie was a joy but everything just seemed so wrong without Margaret. I haven't even opened most of my presents yet.

Hubby · « **Reply #241 on:** December 26, 2016, 06:31:08 PM »

Today has been a little better than yesterday. A few cries, especially when I woke up.

I saw Ollie before which gave me a few laughs. I finished opening the presents. Someone bought me a bubble gun which had Ollie laughing his head off and billy going absolutely mental.

I did a piece of pork for tea and it turned out really well. I felt really guilty about it because Margaret would have loved to have her Boxing Day tea cooked for her but I never did it. There are so many things I would have done differently had I known what was going to happen.

pennyking · « **Reply #242 on:** December 26, 2016, 08:36:53 PM »

Sending hugs. Not easy to get through but we do it somehow.
Think there are plenty of things we all would of done differently. I'm sure she's looking down very proud on you for doing it.
Take care x

Hubby · « **Reply #243 on:** December 27, 2016, 11:41:53 PM »

Thanks penny. I think she will be looking down on me telling me to pull myself together.

My daughter dropped Ollie off this morning give me to look after while she hit the sales. I had a few cries thinking of how Margaret would have been over the moon to get him to herself for a few hours but also had many laughs with him. I was quite relieved when he fell asleep after four hours as I was worn out.

The holiday has been harder than I thought it would be. There really has been a huge dark cloud that has overshadowed everything. This was Margarets time of year, a time when everybody experienced the love she had to share.

Tomorrow I am back in work, only for a day before the new year but it will be a break from being in the house. I'm hoping I can put Christmas behind me now.

Julie Magson · « **Reply #244 on:** December 28, 2016, 02:07:44 PM »

Yes this holiday gas been like that for me too. I went out to lunch but found it so hard to put a smiley face on for others and couldn't wait to get home, then I felt alone again! I don't understand that at all!

Hubby · « **Reply #245 on:** December 28, 2016, 05:15:39 PM »

You've touched on something there Julie. It's the loneliness. Even when people are around I feel alone. I just feel like hibernating.

Rotten day today despite work. My van was iced up and wouldn't start so I had a two hour wait for the AA To come and jump start it. Margaret would have got up and made a bacon butty for me if she were here. She isn't so I made do with a cup of coffee and a cry.

I got into the office at ten thirty and there was only one other person in. They left at twelve and I was alone again. So I had a coffee and a cry. I stopped off at my aunts on the way home. She was out. So I sat, alone, in the van for an hour then came home.

I'll probably pong something for tea and have an early night.

Julie Magson · « **Reply #246 on:** December 28, 2016, 06:55:48 PM »

It's all just so frustrating. Today has been one of the worst I've ever experienced so far sitting sobbing and wailing and all I want is my hubby's arms round me. I'm hoping tomorrow it'll be easier for us both.

Karena · « **Reply #247 on:** December 28, 2016, 07:57:38 PM »

I hope so too for you both.I do get what you mean about wanting to be out when you are at home and home when you're out,either place feeling just as lonely.

Hubby · « **Reply #248 on:** December 29, 2016, 09:30:59 PM »

Thanks for the replies.

This holiday period has been a lot harder than I imagined. The tears and loneliness just come from nowhere and it's not little sobs either. Even when I'm not crying my eyes out I am constantly thinking about Margaret and longing for her.

I said I felt like hibernating and today I practically did. I couldn't be bothered getting up and stayed in bed till tea time. I've already had a fair few cries since getting up. Reminders are everywhere, decorations, programs on telly, food, music ... it seems everything has a memory attached. I guess it's the time of year for reflecting on things but, to be honest, I don't want to think about this year. I just wish it were over.

BT · « **Reply #249 on:** December 29, 2016, 09:50:43 PM »

I feel they same way, it has taken its toll on me too. I really miss my mum, christmas has brought to light the big hole that my mum left in my life when she died. One day at a time..

Hubby · « **Reply #250 on:** December 31, 2016, 12:06:15 AM »

Thanks BT. I'm sorry to hear you are also feeling down.

More if the same today. A lot of tears this morning. I did manage to go out to a nice pub in Chrster with a couple of friends for a meal but I don't think I was the best of company. I held it together but I wasn't really 'all there' if you know what I mean.

After getting home I did manage to have a little laugh at some memories with my daughter and mother in law but, inevitably, there were more tears.

On the positive side there's only tomorrow night to get through and hopefully things will then start to get a bit easier.

Deb63 · « **Reply #251 on:** December 31, 2016, 02:18:01 PM »

Hubby

Hubby · « **Reply #252 on:** December 31, 2016, 08:22:30 PM »

Thanks Deb.

Today's been really rough. Spent the morning crying in bed. Got up feeling about as low as I have ever felt. I managed to do a bit of essential shopping. The tumble dryer finally gave up the ghost so I tried to fit the new one I ordered last week only to find all the fittings were different and I won't be able to get any till Tuesday.

Got upset again so I thought 'in for a penny' and got my memory box out. I cried floods but I feel better for it now. Fireworks are already going off and my dog is terrified despite being full of Valium.

What a year. Started as happy as I have ever been in my life. Ended about as low as I can imagine being.

Deb63 · « **Reply #253 on:** December 31, 2016, 08:39:01 PM »

I am so sorry to hear that Hubby

..sending huge hugs to you

Karena · « **Reply #254 on:** December 31, 2016, 09:53:33 PM »

:hug:also sending hugs.For me tonight is all but over in this time zone,but I,m listening to fireworks and remembering the last few new years eves sitting in the dark holding a shaking dog.Now he has gone too,that will never happen again,but this year I havnt been sitting alone either,but just got back from a BBQ,so although there is sadness I am also determined that those new years eves are going to be put behind me from now on.We do not leave loved ones behind at the turn of the year but carry them forward with us in our hearts and memory's through all the years ahead .

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