Dave, thanks so much for all you've said. Some of the time I am now starting to be able to take on this frame of mind, of how he would not want to see me like this. It's just the last few days, leading up to my birthday tomorrow, it's been somehow forgotten or swamped by other emotions.
I do keep him with me, he is a part of me, in my thoughts, in our likes and dislikes, in our shared memories. The happier ones, that you mentioned, are just beginning to surface for me after 4 and half long months of only the awful memories of his illness and dying
Your idea of giving his spirit some peace, which he so deserves, is a new one for me. I'll try my hardest to take this on board