:hug:At this stage if you can achieve one thing a day thats enough. If you are having some input into the funeral just concentrating on that for now is enough. The funeral itself, like many other of the anniversary days to face in the next year i and others here have found were worse in the dreading than the actual event,
If you can though, do try and get out just for a while with the dogs. I didnt want to see anyone and have to have the conversation which involved me saying the D word -and possibly crying in front of people so took Ben out after dark when no-one was around -doing that really helped as walking did clear my head for a time and wear me out enough to get some sleep at least -(but dont do it if you are not in a safe area of course)
Alcahol is a very temporary fix and actually works as a depressant -its what we reach for though, just to try and temporary numb the pain.
Part of grief is that we realise there is actually no real control of our life and takes away our plans and ideas of how the future will be -Alcahol, for me, increases that loss of control and I feared if i started drinking i just wouldnt stop, so made it a thing to completely avoid it. Also because we had a friend who took to drinking after she lost her mum and Keith had managed to help her get it back under control i thought about that and what his reaction would be to me doing the same.
Thats really how i got through those days - letting him guide me even though he was no longer here.