Hi

[Vypavespa]

I don’t really know what to do as Ive only just joined so going to have a look around I think.

My husband took his own life last year,I’m now alone with 4 children,I’m scared,lonely and depressed and don’t know which way to turn.

Any advice would be gratefully received thank you.

[pennyking]

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your Husband.  It's 7 years since I lost my husband suddenly and was left with twin boys at the age of 8.  I can imagine how daunting life is for you now, and in addition to that you have to deal with how you lost him.   My heart goes out to you.  Take each minute at a time and take any offers of help from family and friends.  We are here to listening and offer advice if we can, we are not professionals but have all lost a loved one.  Sending hugs.  Penny x

[Vypavespa]

Thanks Penny,that’s brilliant,thank you.

He’d suffered bad mental health problems for years and years,having lots of failings along the way. It all got too much for him last January and he decided suicide was the best way,me and my children (14yr old and 5 yr old girls and 2yr old and 7 month old boys) were in the house as he took his life in the garage,unknowingly to us what he was doing. Intensive care followed for a week untill I switched off his ventilator and watched him go to theatre to donate his organs.

It’s hard,tiring,lonely and stressful.

He was my every breath and I’ve fumbled my way through up to yet trying to hide behind a false ‘I’m ok’ and I need to deal with things as it’s getting harder and harder.

[pennyking]

It's not for everyone but have you thought of counselling?    Xxxx

[Emz2014]

Sending you a welcome hug  xx

[Vypavespa]

Thank you so much for your kind words and welcome hug ☺️☺️

I’m currently doing councilling with an amazing lady,I just find it so hard to let anything through. I was brought up that it’s weak to show emotion,which has stuck with me through life and is making opening up so hard but I am trying.

[pennyking]

Trying is all you can do.  You are not alone we understand how hard it can be able to just get out of bed in the morning.  Showing emotion is certainly not a weakness and sharing your grief with your children will make you stronger together.  I couldn't be more proud of my sons in how far they have come.  Take care. X

[Emz2014]

I think sometimes it also kicks in as a bit of a protection mechanism,  trying not to show emotion so people don't question/put pressure on us to respond or so we don't feel so exposed at a time we feel so vulnerable, so can be challenging if you've been taught that way too.  Keep trying, don't put too much pressure on yourself and notice/acknowledge any little steps forward you make.  You will get there gently xx

[Karena]

I had counselling after losing my husband -(i also struggle to open up to people) but the councelling did help in the end.This place also helped a lot  there isnt a limited time frame of support or an expected gradient slope of feeling better here none of us are professionals but all of us are a various points on this awful journey of grief and recognise its roller coaster nature.