Than you I am not amazing al all, I had no choice but to go back to work, I am the only wage earner due to his illness, we are in debt and I suspect bankruptcy looms in the new year, and more importantly although my home is rented it and the garden are escape and my haven, the night I got home after Mum died I sat for hours on a bench sobbing, and I often go and sit on it now, however cold it is, just to somehow try and connect, I also bought load and loads of daffodil bulbs and planted them so in the spring I can see them and think of her, it would totally finish me if I lost this place, so I had to back, if it is any help I don't think it has helped at all, it hinders you, forcing you to be what other people want you to be, and like you, finding someone who understands or actually wants to listen is hard, and I have found myself saying nothing at all as I don't want anyone to think I am going on... I expected my siblings, even though they weren't really that close to Mum, and my husband, whom my Mum adored and he loved her back, would actually allow me to be how I need to be, but it seems not, I am utterly alone, apart from you lovely people on here, who don't make me feel a freak!
Am sorry you have been feeling that down that you felt even unable to post on here? Was it the whole Christmas thing?
It is my day off today, and from the second I woke all I keep hearing going around and around in my head, is the song we played at Mums funeral as we left her, it's like even my mind ttrying to torture me now..
You take care xxx