I think everything you are all experiencing is very normal but it is really hard to see that when you are going through it and those around you who are not can't possibly understand.In the world of psychological theory and therapy there is usually a focus on "cure " You go through these stages then back to normal this is what others see,coupled with the Victorian year of mourning which suggests grief has a sell by date.There is one theory though which helped me a lot.It is the theory of continuing bonds,which says that the focus should be on how the bond between us change.It doesn't suggest you're cured or you have to cut the bond to be cured,but gives you permission to find ways to continue to hold on too someone even when they're not physically here any more.For some this might be through the teachings of a religion,or culture,Many African tribes for example revere their ancestors.When we don't have those absolute beliefs then we create them,so naming a star is one way to do this.When I lost my husband I planted native daffodils in all our favourite places,setting that goal meant I had to go out and I had to go back,which also meant slaying some of the anxiety dragons around travelling and going back too places we both loved but alone.Xmas I dropped the old traditions and started new (mainly pagan) traditions,.
I am still more anxious and socially inept six years on,but no longer have panic attacks in the local bakery,but I have learned that being probably what most people would consider over organised helps control that.Knowing how to get somewhere and having backup plans if it goes wrong,finding escape strategy's from social occasions,always sussing somewhere to get out,breathe and calm down.Also having a reason d,etre.I carry a camera everywhere so in my head I am in the city to take a series of photos of its architectural features,not billy no mates,.It means I feel less self conscious or awkward.We are all different and it takes time to develop your strategy's for yourself,but also there are dragons that don't need to be slayed too.For example eating out alone was discussed here,not something I thought I could ever do,and I never have,because I realised it wasn't even something I wanted to do.Takeaway coffees and a snack are absolutely fine,so why put myself through the stress of eating in a cafe or restaurant.
For all the theory's though and all the unrealistic expectations of others and painted smiles we adopt, the one banal comment people make that through the worst pain we can't believe is that you will feel better over time.Yet this is true,not that you will wake up one day and suddenly feel better or that you won't sometimes take one step forward only to fall down again,We will always miss them and always feel sadness at their loss but in our own time this acute pain becomes more an ache.
If you read through the do you believe in an afterlife thread here,you will see others experiences.Sometimes I think we look too hard and in the wrong places especially in the early days and perhaps it makes it more difficult to see them.Be careful with mediums though,a spiritualist church is often a good place to find one who is genuine rather than a self published online one.