Sorry I have not got back too you sooner I have been abroad sans internet.
Christmas is very difficult especially that first one.I think it is important to remember our children have lost a parent and inviting us is their way of trying to not only show their love and concern for us,but also this is a first for them too,so they are also feeling their way in the dark,wondering how to cope with this.I understand the problem with the dogs though,but perhaps you could just go for a couple of hours or so,if not for yourself then for them.
My mum started a new tradition of Xmas breakfast after my stepfather died,so a couple of hours of mayhem and presents,then the rest of the day the peace she wanted.It would mean you don't have to leave your dog and they can leave theirs at home for a while.We all overeat on Xmas day so perhaps cooked breakfast would be too much,but maybe something lighter,my mum did pancakes with a choice of fillings.
Year one on my own I looked into volunteering at a homeless shelter where they do Xmas dinners,Unfortunately there isn't one near enough and I didn't have transport,so I did just go along with the children and in reality the day wasn't as bad as I anticipated, but in both cases i had decided if i wasnt going to enjoy it for myself then i would do my best to make it better for others.
By year two I had got it more together,and started my own new tradition of decorating an outside tree with bird treats.Something the grandkids enjoy and the parents get a child free day to prepare wrap presents etc.There are of course treats for the kids,hot chocolate,toasting t cakes on the stove with a toasting fork being allowed to climb the tree to hang the treats.stringing popcorn and making xmas shaped fatballs for the birds has merits for all ages.On the day itself I go for lunch and open presents and come home.Other than that I don't do Xmas anymore,but I adopted some more traditional rituals.My decorations are real holly and ivy, and lightcatchers to mark the letting in of the light of the coming year,one thing about this is that a new year and the days actually starting to slowly get lighter again.a handful of cards homemade for new year and select people.( I have never had to write just my name in a Xmas card I just don't do them anymore)
So I have kind of taken myself out of Xmas,it is no longer my celebration but one I can be just a guest at,if that makes sense,it has taken the sting out of the tail somehow,but without self sacrifice too because I do now think in terms of new beginnings rather than the end of the year.
On new years eve.i light the firepit if its not raining,wrap up warm and sit outside with a hot toddy,and light a candle for my husband to demonstrate that as I move into the coming year so he moves with me.(also doable indoors if bad weather) but just me and him under the stars being quiet is the idea,pretty much how we spent new years eve when he was alive.
PS
I took part in a lovely Xmas idea this week in ZA There is a tree in a shopping mall with labels on and on each label is the name and age of a child in poverty.You take a label buy a gift for the child then attach the label and leave under the tree.Its really nice shopping for a child you will never meet, but knowing it will give them pleasure and the suggestion is 4 items,something you want something you need something to wear,something to read is perhaps a nice idea for kids from all walks of life,but anyway it has given me an idea for the UK.local shopping centre and names from local food bank maybe for distribution.( no surnames or other ID public ) so maybe a way I might re engage next year if I can get the right people together and organise it at local level maybe it could take off.