Hi all
After several weeks of feeling like I'm going backwards with how I feel and how I'm coping, I found this forum and am hoping the support will help.
I lost my mum on March 1st this year. We had a close relationship and I left my job of 26 years last December to help care for her as she was in such a state stuck in her bedroom all day alone on 24hrs oxygen. She had a husband who she had been with for over 20years and he also loved her dearly but had to work in the day to pay the mortgage and bills.
I am so thankful that I got those few months of caring for her, we had so much planned for this year and she had hope for the first time in a long time. even after only a few weeks of caring for her my brother phoned me to say he couldn't believe how much she had improved and her outlook and optimism for some life at least.
unfortunately it was not to be and after 2 more relapses with her COPD she eventually could not fight anymore and passed away at 64 years of age.
Initially obviously I was distraught but somehow maybe due to shock and feeling more numb than I do now I got by for so many months quite well considering. I have a caring husband and 4 boys the youngest is just 3 years old that keep me busy and I haven't wanted to continually cry in front of them because I know it upsets them.
I found myself a new job not long after my mums funeral for 3 days a week and I do have quite a busy life. I still try to be as social as I can be and haven't turned down many invitations or lunches out with friends just to try and keep going.
However, I don't know whether anyone can relate to me but things I do find difficult if not impossible are,
visiting my mums grave/ashes, I don't like going alone as I feel I might become such a mess I wont be able to get myself back home, I don't feel much comfort from going so tend to go evry now and again.
I haven't been inside my mums house since mothers day a few weeks after she died as I was that distraught by her husband still having everything like my mum was still there and I know he finds comfort from that unfortunately I felt it only emphasised the loss of her even more.
On particularly bad days I don't like going to far from home eg over 5 miles alone in case I get in an emotional sate.
I have suffered with anxiety over the years as did my mum and I miss her advice when I'm upset.
I went to see my G.P a few weeks ago and asked him to refer me to a bereavement counsillor which he has done and I have an appointment to speak to someone at the end of next week.
I have also read a few books on grief and loss and they have helped abit.
Any advice on ways of coping and getting through this I would greatly appreciate. I miss my mum terribly I just want to be able to get through and give my boys and husband some of me back that isn't so upset all the time.
Sorry for all of your losses too.
Kind regards
Louise