Thank-you Emz2014, I hope it helps as well , reading the posts are helping knowing I am not the only one going through such pain, as at home it seems like it. Family members are having a hard time watching me going through this, the length of time passes and they want me not being upset, I get that and the effect it is having on their lives but the pressure to 'mend' faster, I feel is just about them having their world back to normal, I have begun to shut down and depression is beginning.
I am interacting with people, I am forcing myself but the enormous effort to act and tell them I am ok, when I am not, mostly because they will just react like the family, has such negative feelings on me, tearful, tired, no point, hopeless and it takes me a couple of days to get over seeing people, which is leaving me wanting to withdraw even more. I feel I am doing to much, because it's what they want me to do, friends and family say this is what I have to do on my 'healing journey' but do not have the courage to tell every one to leave me alone. I am on this journey alone and sometimes I want that and sometimes I don't, it is all so so confusing, is this 'normal', thank-you to anyone who understands this x