:hug:I met my dad only a few times before he died. I think for me losing my dad, having just found him created a feeling of great regret that we didnt have chance to know each other - so no memorys to hold on too -where-as with my mum who died later and again with my husband too, i do at least have plenty of those, not just memorys but knowing they loved me.
But when i met my dad, my mum was happy with my step father and ok about it. Had she been ill at that point in her life i wouldnt even have considered going ahead with meeting him but done exactly as you did and made her my priority.
I did go see him the day before he died, because i was pregnant i had been kept in the dark by well meaning but misguided relations so it was a bit sudden ,not exactly the same as you, but still some guilt that i hadnt made more effort to cram more time with him in, - hindsight doesnt change things.
For you having cared for your mum and the trauma you had already gone through it is completely understandable why you didnt go, and there is no logical reason to feel guilt, but grief and the guilt we all seem to feel during it at some point of its horrid journey doesnt come with logic attached.