My lovely loving soulmate, the love of my life for 40 years died from pancreatic cancer last May. With her death I lost virtually everything of real value to me- laughter, joy, delight, passion, peace, sharing, trust, honesty, kindness, empathy, indescribable closeness, tenderness, playfulness ....... with her my heart had found its home. Then it was ripped apart and became frightened of the dark future ahead.
Four days after she died I was standing at the sink about to clean my teeth when quite out of the blue I “heard” her say “don’t fret, it’s wonderful here”. Then just after that “ I love you doug”. Her voice. Right inside my head. Fret is not a word I’ve ever used and she rarely called me doug but usually a crazy “ pet” name. Startling. So very clear and real. I’ll never forget it and it has made an enormous difference to me. I feel she lives on in some way, somewhere. There is still a strong connection between us and she has somehow encouraged me or guided me towards a new turn in life. She taught children including those with special needs and I feel I want to continue in some way with her work.
So I’m flying out to Zambia in early July and working as a volunteer for just five weeks, as a taster, on teaching, orphan care and community work projects and I’ll see what happens.
I’m 75 now and want to spend my days making a difference to peoples lives in my own small way
I feel/hope that she will “be” there with me. Maybe a crazy dream but it’s a good dream isn’t it?
So I cannot say my experience was imagination, the result of stress or a hint of more beyond what we can see. All I can say is that it really doesn’t matter. Her love has given me meaning to my life and she is still in my heart and always will be.