What a lovely way to sum all this up, Karena.
Joannie, I have never had anyone cremated in my family, but I don't think I could feel the person I had lost was with me in the ashes either. I have never really understood the desire to be cremated and prefer the option of burial, not sure why, I suppose it's just what we have always done in my family.
Anyway, whichever you choose, I think just relates to disposal of the shell the person you have lost inhabited. They don't remain there after death though. With that in mind, I have never viewed the body of a lost loved one after death, as I don't feel that's where they are anymore. They have moved into another type of existence. I had to wait for hours with my mother's body at the hospital after she died waiting for my brother to arrive, but I didn't feel she was in her body anymore. I could see she wasn't. I hoped she was aware I was in the room, but am not sure if she had already moved beyond that space or not. I talked to her a little in case she had not, but I couldn't feel her presence there.
I do believe in an after-life and I am religious, though not rigidly so. Religions are largely man-made so all have their faults. I have lost several people close to me now in my lifetime and I know life goes on after death because of the things I have experienced. I have smelt the perfumes of female friends and relatives I have lost when there was no explanation that could explain my being able to smell any scent at all. I have asked for and found feathers in places where no rational explanation could explain their having got there. My dad worked with furniture and his workshop had a specific smell of the polishes and chemicals he used to use when working and I smelled that strongly on the stairs one time at home shortly after he died. We also had a problem with a padlock he had used to lock up a ladder in the back garden and could not find the key to get it undone so we could bring in the ladder and just as we were saying we would have to give up looking for it we heard a noise out by the ladder and found one of the links securing the ladder had snapped inexplicably at that moment so that we were able to bring it in. My mother told me some weeks after he died, that she heard him telling her he may as well go now, presumably as he felt there was nothing more he could do to help us by then. So all these things signify to me that the person does not die when the body does.
I dreamt about both my dad and my mum after each of them died too. The first dream was of my dad, lying on the bed in his favourite clothes looking very relaxed and telling me he was fine and I should not worry about him and then again to tell me he was going back to visit the place he came from and hoped we did not mind. I dreamt my mum spent time cuddling me for a while and then walked sadly away through an archway under a building. I have no idea what the building was but had the sense she was saying goodbye and taking her leave of this life and moving on to the next level of existence, whatever that may be. The dreams were very vivid and have stayed with me. I don't usually remember my dreams, so I feel sure they were not ordinary dreams.
I am sure they live on in some other form and I miss them, but I think they turn up now and then, when I am in some kind of trouble and feel certain in my own heart and mind that death is not the end of life. I know you feel differently and you may be right, but even though our beliefs differ, I do not think your husband inhabits his ashes, so I understand that you do not feel he is with you in those. That does not mean that he is not with you though. If nothing else, he lives in your love for him and in your memories of him. I am sure you can hear what he would say or advise in certain circumstances, just as I can hear what my mum or dad would say. You are where you are in your life partly due to him and so even that is a tribute to his existence in the world.
Whatever you believe, he will always be a part of your life and your memories. In a way, that is a way of living on, because you will never forget him. Life is cruel, Joannie and you should have had many more years together, but you had the time you did, so treasure that and concentrate on looking after you now.