Hi -sending you a warm welcome.Its very early days for you,on this horrid journey,I lost my husband 6 years ago,i dont think -for me anyway- the gap he left behind will ever be filled,but gradually a day at a time you can start to build some kind of life around it,things which are distractions now, can grow to become more than that and new things fill the time, but we need time to grieve first.
One of the key things for me was creating memorys for my grandchildren not of sadness at his leaving, but of the person he was before.Some grandchildren that i have now wernt even born then but know about him who he was in life.So when you are stronger perhaps creating a memory box with them,with the things that tell or prompt a story might be a way for you and them to share and focus on those times.There are degrees of upset of course,but sharing memorys this way, if it creates a few tears as well as smiles they will see that its ok to grieve,its ok to cry,but also its ok to talk about him, remember him if theyre old enough or know him through your stories if not.
writing feelings down helps, this place was a big help to me, because at the point i would think i was losing the plot some-one would come along and say no your not something similar happened too me,everyone here has been on this journey, and its not just about grief -i never imagined when i first came i would use the laughing emojie but i do, because it also a place to ease the lonliness,whether thats by sharing the every day stuff that we would have shared with them,or using the instant chat in an evening there are also meet ups that crop up now and then in different regions, where a few people meet up for a cofee or drink - it can be a place online where real friendships develop.