RRS, it's Adrian, I sorry I not replied for a while and thank you for your thoughts. I still not good but am trying hard. You are right, taking myself out would be a very selfish act and must stop thinking this way. It's just hard. I've lost the love of my life and am very lost. I am reaching out to all sorts of groups and projects to start to re engage. Partly because of what you said and partly because I've hurt some one recently by my selfish actions. I have lost a friend when I need everyone I can get. So yes, I will take care.
Adrian.