Speak to your GP.It could be you need a different anti depressant or it could be if the ones you are on are new to you,they havnt kicked in yet.If you start to feel really desperate ring the Samaritans.116123, its a 24 hour free number,or if there is a branch near you find their contact number.We are all here to help but we are not professional advisors just people who are on the same journey.Grief sucks,there is no doubt about that and yet we find ourselves pressurised to behave in a certain way,we get told to move on and so start to think there is something wrong with us and then put pressure on ourselves and as grief also takes away confidence become even more stressed when we can't do that.
If you broke your leg,you wouldn't expect to run straight away and other people would see the plaster cast and the crutches and be more sympathetic.Even when all the visible things had gone you would walk slowly have physio,take small steps and sometimes fall over. Even when you were able to run you wouldn't do a marathon or the three peaks for a long time,and even then you might not be in the same acute pain but your leg would still ache.Grief is no different,you just can't see it,but it doesn't make it any less,so just as you would accept you won't be doing the marathon and not pressure yourself,try to be kind too yourself with this too.We will be here as long as you need us,just writing down your feelings might help,as writing in itself can help put things into some sort of order.