Sorry but I had to stop and think a bit before carrying on. Never posted on a forum before and not sure if I am doing it properly. Apologies if I am getting this wrong.
I mentioned in my initial attempt that my wife died some months ago. I seemed to cope with a lot of the pain after the first week of tears, anguish, guilt, anger and incomprehension. She died suddenly, but did spend 3 days in intensive care in hospital. She became ill on Saturday, being sick and went to bed, eventually settling down to sleep. I couldn't get her to wake up fully on Sunday and had an ambulance turn up. They took her and me with them, but kept me out of ITU while they "got her settled ". When I was allowed in with her, I was told she had been sedated to help with treatment. They tried everything, but she died on the Tuesday afternoon. Never got to speak to her again!
She always called me her rock and said nothing seemed to phase me as I took everything in my stride, following family issues over some years.
My youngest son was diagnosed with ME when he was 15, about 6 years ago. 3 months later my eldest son was taken ill and diagnosed with type 1 Diabetes.
My eldest daughter was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis some time later.
My wife was then diagnosed with clinical depression and has had many struggles with this over the years following.
A year later my mum died in hospital and I was there at her bedside with my father.
I coped with all of this and strove to support them all to the best of my ability but now my Sally has gone I am lost.
It seems she was my rock!
I didn't mention that in February 2016 my eldest daughters father in law died of Cancer. Four months before that, after managing to survive for 18 years working for my company without taking a single sick day, I was diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes. I agreed with my boss that I would take a week off to get my diet balanced, but 2 days into that week off I had a Stroke.
I am now fully recovered from the Stroke and take medication for the Diabetes.
I can find no medication to deal with the pain of losing Sally!
I handled all of this initially and have also managed to get counselling through my work. I was very 'Stoic' when asked how I was by friends and colleagues, although my counsellor has said I should be honest with them and tell them I feel rubbish at times and it does seem to help, but my mood just dropped dramatically last night and I felt the need to look for extra help here.
Sorry if I have rambled on a bit.