Thank you, Karena
I read your response a few times, just to really let it sink in that the feelings we are going through as supposedly most evolved species are so basic and primitive.
I have quite an analytical mind, I like understanding the thought process, try rationalise it, interpret it in different ways, and it often helps me as I give a reason to myself to think it's ok to to feel the certain way. However till I get to any kind of rational point, I can go through family history in my head, people I've shared my life with, my drawbacks, strengths etc... It can be a very exhausting process that adds too much complexity to reach a primitive reason for feeling the way I feel. I don't know if I'm being clear, sorry...
The point is, it's all very simple, primitive and even those gorgeous elephants know how to go about these things we humans complicate in our minds. It's all natural and normal.
I wish I could just switch off my mind for a while and be like an animal for a day :) sounds less complex. I'm going to spend my Easter with friends and I am already thinking it will be awkward to see the friend I feel I've been lacking support from. I'm already keeping distance myself and expect unconditional understanding, which is really irrational, but I still find myself spending time focusing on that.
I need my man back :( he was my comfort and a bold, caragious energy. We made such a good combo... One sensitive and analytical, the other one straight forward and a bit aloof, I loved that about him