Hello Rolande and welcome to this forum.
Goodness me 9 weeks is no time whatsoever to think you would be feeling remotely any different I can assure you of that.
Bereavement is often referred to as a roller coaster ride with its ups and downs twists and curves, and nothing describes it better than than I'm my opinion.
There is a lot of love and understanding of how you are feeling right now with our other members going through the same at different stages, and writing down all your most inner emotions here with no one to judge you are steps in the healing process you must go through.
Though hard for you to believe right now Rolande, you will grow stronger each day without you realising it and peace will gradually return to your days again.
Please don't stop posting, this group is here for you all the way I promise.