I think emz is right There are hours I can't recall,only a few key things stick out,and I dont want to remember those so I try and tidy them away,because they will never be not painful and I have accepted that this is the case.
In between there were hours of trying to come to terms with what was happening,trying to cling to hope that it wasn't happening,wondering if I could have done something to prevent it but nothing actually happened in those hours except my thoughts about that as I sat holding his hand.Were those thoughts any different really to the ones that came after,trying to come to terms with what happened,hoping it was a nightmare and it hadn't happened,wondering if I could have done anything to prevent it.It seems to me they really went except perhaps the end of hope he would survive it.