Introduction

[Jeanette2507]

Hi, I lost my dad on 19th October. He had suffered ill health for years but we did not expect to lose him yet. I have a 4 year old and a 4 month old and feel like I am coping less and less well as time goes on. People ask how I am less and are surprised when I say I'm not looking forward to Christmas. I'm going through the motions for my 4 year old, who is struggling with losing grandad as they were so close but I wish Christmas was over already.

[Brian71]

Hi Jeanette and welcome,  sorry to hear of the loss of your Dad, quite a few of us on here who lost their partner or a close loved one this year will also be dreading this Xmas I'm sure,  I too will be glad to get through Xmas.  I lost my wife after 49yrs marriage in April and Xmas just won't seem the same which is what you will feel too.

It's still raw for you Jeanette,  you cannot rush the grieving process, time is the only thing that eases that inner pain, it can take a very long time indeed especially when it's someone very close to you.     Some of us will never really recover from what's happened, but we have to try, in your case for the sake of your 2 children this Xmas.   It will be a struggle,  but with time we learn how to cope with our emotions a little better.    On Jan 4th it will be exactly 9mths since Ann my wife passed away suddenly and I'm just about managing to get through most of the week without having a crying session,  I don't think I've managed a whole week yet and I'm almost 72.

If you feel like a good cry,  then let it out,  I'm doing it less frequently now but various things will trigger it off,  give yourself time to grieve Jeanette,  my daughter Jo who is 40 came up the weekend from Cornwall to visit and she still cry's for her Mum and AIS it's almost 9mths.   It will be tough this Xmas for many of us,  it should be a time of joy,   but for many of us we will be trying to suppress the pain we feel inside,  hopefully we all manage to get through it and it turns out not to be as bad as we expected.

Wishing you strength at this difficult time...   

Best wishes......  Brian

[Julie Magson]

Hi Jeanette- it's still for too early and raw for you. I think all of us in this position wish Christmas was over with- I can't imagine how hard it must be with young children. You will have periods of doing ok and periods of awfulness for some time yet. Don't rush yourself through this grieving, you really do have to take one hour, one day, at a time X

[Jeanette2507]

Thank you Brian and Julie for your lovely words and I'm so sorry for your losses too. Luckily my mum lives not too far away so we are supporting each other as best we can. I've just realised it's 9 weeks today since he went, feels a lot longer xx

[Emz2014]

Sending a welcome hug.    concentrate on small baby steps, try to be gentle with yourself on this journey xx

[Hubby]

Hi Jeannette.

Your loss is so recent you are probably at the point where it is at its deepest and the festive season, with all the emphasis on enjoying ourselves, won't help at all.

Having the distraction of doing the Christmas stuff for your little ones is probably s good thing but won't keep you from grieving and there are bound to be times that you feel sad. I know it's hard to do but try to focus on the happy times. I find it easier to do with others around to share those memories and stories with so try not to turn down any invitations from relatives and friends.

Wishing you strength.

[Jeanette2507]

Thanks emmz and hubby. Hope your christmases are as good as they can be xx