My loss

[cdobbs]

On the evening of the 20th of November I lost my mum
I was her main carer and youngest daughter.  She was
diagnosed with lung cancer I  August,  but was getting better
It was quite sudden and I'm struggling to return to a normal
Routine.  I have no one to help me now so I need to go back
To work or risk losing my house any advice would be useful
I just don't know how to stop every other thought being mum??
Thanks x

[Norma]

  to you CDobbs, my heart goes out to you hun. Youre just gone through the worst thing that can happen, youve just lost your mum, so your world has been turned upside down. Its such a roller coaster ride  hun but somewhere along the journey you will get off and be more able to cope, it is hard but the sooner you are able to bring some sort if normality back into your life, like going back to work it will give you something else to focus on, and stop you thinking of mum 24/7, take it one day at a time though hun and make sure you look after yourself, we sometimes forget to do that xxx

 

[Dave Administrator]

Hello C and welcome to our group.

First may I say how sorry I am to hear about the loss of your mum, trust me I know just how much that's hurting you.

It's very early days for you still and your mind and body are going through all sorts of emotions related to bereavement and like a physical injury they both need time to heal. Your mind at the moment will think of nothing else night and day which is perfectly normal but again I know how much this can bring you down.

What you could really try hard to do is not sit at home dwelling on whats happened but get yourself out and about looking around for things that say may take your interest and this will take your mind away for a small rest bite from your loss and the pain that goes with it. True friends and loving family members can be life savers at this time and don't be afraid to cry in front of them, they expect that, and the hugs that come from them to comfort you can oh so help big time.

Keep posting here C, it's a wonderful caring group of people here who will be there for you when the going gets really tough I promise. xx

[Emz2014]

Sending a welcome hug 
Its such a hard journey. Are your employers understanding?  Maybe a phased return might help?  Its hard to go back to work but the routine often helps alot
Its a rollercoaster, take little baby steps and be gentle with yourself. Keep talking with us it helps xx

[Julie Magson]

Your mind will be reeling and teeming with a million thoughts and worries right now, that's normal,I would make a list, because crossing each thing off your list as you tackle it helps such a lot.I would maybe get in touch with work as a priority and discuss with them ways in which they can help you.

[Rachel]

Sorry for your loss hun, I too have lost my mum very recently and I'm also thinking about her 24-7.
Some fab advice other members have given you so I'm hoping it will be OK for you xxx

[Hubby]

Hi Carien.

It is early days for you and most of your thoughts are bound to be about losing your mum. Over time you will find ways to cope and adjust to your new life

I stayed off work for a long time following my bereavement and I am sorry that I did. I was really worried about returning to work but the reality was that work was the only 'normal' time I had left. It distracted me from thinking about my wife all the time as I did when I was stuck in the house with all the reminders.

I think the advice for a phased return is good if you can arrange this. If not try not to overthink the return. It really won't be as bad as your imagination can make it seem.

Wishing you strength

 

[cdobbs]

Thanks I will speak to my work.  X

[hb1105]

Lost my mum on 3rd Dec, after she had a heart attack and stroke on 27th Nov, completely out of the blue. She was 64.. I won't pretend to know how you feel, as grief affects us all uniquely, but I, like you, am at a loss as to how to figure out a way to function 'as normal' again and not think about her 24/7. Currently psyching myself up for her funeral, which is on Monday. Dreading it, still can't believe that it's even happening. Sending hugs. X

[cdobbs]

Thankyou. 
It did not hit me properly until after the funeral
Then it was real.  Try not to be on your own too much
And remember the food times.  I am back at work now
And find it helpful to know that the pain will always
Be there it just becomes easier to deal with.
When I am struggling I try to think of what mum
Would want me to be doing or thinking.
Hope this helps I am incredibly sorry for your loss
No one knows what you are going through but
You will get through it.
Xxxxcarienxxxxxxx

[Hubby]

A lot of people say it hits home after the funeral. That's the time those who don't understand think we start to pick up the pieces. How little they know.

I wouldn't dread the funeral though. I dreaded it but found, as is often the case, that the day wasn't as bad as I had imagined it would be. Sure there are hard moments but also many shared memories and reminders of how much our loved ones meant to people.

[Julie Magson]

The build up to the funeral is  worse than the actual funeral. And we get strength from somewhere to get through something we really thought we couldn't do. Thinking of you tomorrow. Let us know how it went X