Hi

[Rachel]

Hello, I'm Rachel, I lost my father in November 2014 after a very short battle with pancreatic cancer. The day he passed away was the day myself and my now husband set up home together and I was also 6 months pregnant with twins.

Although I was upset as I loved my dad, I now know I didn't grieve for him as I was just so busy and I had to make sure my mum was OK too.

2 years have passed now and after a 5 year battle with cancer, I lost my mum 6 weeks ago. I am inconsolable, I can't stop thinking about her and also my dad. I am so ANGRY that they've left me and the twins without the best grandparents in the world!!!

I can't stop crying and I mean sobbing like a baby. And then I'm fine. And then not.....
This shouldn't be happening, I should still have my parents here!!!

[Norma]

Hi hun so sorry to hear about the loss of both your parents i can only imagine how you are  feeling but im sending you a welcome Hug xxx

 

[Emz2014]

Sending a big welcome hug    it's hard losing a parent, and then losing both the foundations just go beneath our feet

It's a tough journey and can be quite a rollercoaster.  Hope it helps you talking here. We understand the journey xx

[Rachel]

Thank you both so much for your replies. I think being here will help me a lot as I don't really have anyone else to talk to about it.
My husband works very long hours and I lost most of my friends when I had the twins as I couldn't go out with them as much anymore.
My husband is trying to be as understanding as he can but he doesn't know what to do or say and also that if I'm OK one day he thinks I'm getting over it. Does that make sense??

I'm on my own with 2 toddlers most of the time and it's then that I do most of my crying  ( which is not fair on the babies at all ) but once I have other people around me I'm fine 95% of the time in their company, which I really don't understand!

[Rachel]

I'm just feeling so lost without theme both, especially my mum. I spoke to her every single day and saw her at least twice a week. I am so so struggling with her not being here and I just want to pick up the phone and hear her voice but it's impossible.

[Emz2014]

It is a real rollercoaster of emotions. And it can be hard for someone else who hasn't lost anyone to understand - it's confusing enough for us when we are ok one minute then struggling the next.  Have to take it slowly, step by step, it will get easier slowly in time.  Talking it through helps, and also knowing you are not alone (when I first joined here it was really reassuring as I felt I was going crazy!)

  xx

[Julie Magson]

Hello Rachel and welcome to where we all understand X

[Hubby]

Hi Rachael. Welcome to the forums.

I think most of us here understand how you can seem OK around people yet upset behind closed doors. It's a mask we all use. Similarly we know how you can have good days followed by absolutely terrible ones.

Wishing you strength

 

[Rachel]

Thank you everyone 
Another day almost over with thank God! I'm sat in bed with a cuppa tea and a kit kat and then I'll log off and try get some sleep.
We are  ( me, my sister and brother ) burying mum and dads ashes tomorrow in the memorial garden of the church where they got married. So not going to be a good day for us tomorrow:-(

Me and my sister actually aren't very close to our brother at all. For want of a better word, he's an absolute tosser ( sorry! ). All he has been interested in since mum went was what she had left him and we didn't receive or get any offers of help arranging the funeral, clearing her bungalow or anything else that needed doing!!!
I was texted him today to make sure he was still coming tomorrow and politely asked him how he was. He replied "fine, how's you" so I was honest and said " not good absolutely devastated " and he replied back "why?".....UNBELIEVABLE....I was looking at this message in disbelief and shock for ages but that's him all over!!!

[Hubby]

Your brother doesn't sound like the most sensitive of souls.

I must admit that, prior to the death of my wife, I was relatively unaffected by grief. I lost relatives and I was sad but I wasn't really that close to them to feel the great loss I feel now. I used to honesty think people got over a loss in about a fortnight. ven so I knew others would be deeply hurt and offered support where I could.

Tomorrow will be tough but I am sure there will be times when you and your sister will share happy memories and maybe even be able to have a little laugh about them. A lot of milestones. Like the funeral, anniversaries etc are not as bad as we anticipate them to be.

I hope it all goes well for you tomorrow.

 

[hb1105]

Hi Rachel, so sorry for all you are going through. 8 have just recently joined the forum after losing my mum a week ago, very suddenly. I, like you, talked to her every day (usually several times) and am really missing just being able to pick up the phone to her. I have two young boys who I'm finding are really helping to keep me going and bring a sense of normality. Mum's funeral is a week today, I am mostly dreading it. You are most definitely not alone in these feelings x

[Jan]

im so sorry to hear of your loss. I too can fully understand what it feels like to cry and cry so much. I believe that weeping takes off some of the pressure. Sending hugs xxx
Hello, I'm Rachel, I lost my father in November 2014 after a very short battle with pancreatic cancer. The day he passed away was the day myself and my now husband set up home together and I was also 6 months pregnant with twins.

Although I was upset as I loved my dad, I now know I didn't grieve for him as I was just so busy and I had to make sure my mum was OK too.

2 years have passed now and after a 5 year battle with cancer, I lost my mum 6 weeks ago. I am inconsolable, I can't stop thinking about her and also my dad. I am so ANGRY that they've left me and the twins without the best grandparents in the world!!!

I can't stop crying and I mean sobbing like a baby. And then I'm fine. And then not.....
This shouldn't be happening, I should still have my parents here!!!

[gah1979]

HI I am so sorry for your loss, sometimes when we have so much else going on in our lives, loss gets pushed aside for us to deal with at a later date, and when that time finally comes, perhaps, like in your case, due to a further loss, it hits us twofold. As someone close to me said recently, be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to grieve, if you want to cry, cry. sending hugs and comfort. X