Bereavement counciling advice

[Spaicer]

Hi, i have posted a few times before which some of you have read, but I am struggling and am not sure what to do. I lost my husband of 30 years on 12th January. At first I coped ok but the last couple of months I am really struggling, crying everyday and feeling sad and lonely. 
My 3 adult children live at home, 2 have learning difficulties, one has a mild form of autism and has a part time job the other is more severely autistic and is at home all the time, my eldest has a good job as a aircraft engineer and is starting training to be a commercial pilot.  I live hundreds of miles from friends & family and work full time to support us.
The thing is I feel so low I don't know whether to try councilling but don't know if it would help. I don't have any issues with Terrys death, I'm not angry, he had wonderful medical care and we had good support at home, he died surrounded by love & his family and he was pain free for 99.9% of the time. His heart was diseased and it couldn't go on any longer, I get that, it comes to us all one day, so I don't know if i would gain anything from bereavement counselling, what are people's experiences?
I thought of discussing it with my doctor, she has suggested anti depressants before but I have always resisted as I am grieving not depressed, although I think I am a bit depressed now I don't see how chemicals can help, they won't change my grieving or bring me back the life I am missing.
I turned 51 a few weeks ago the thought of feeling like this for the next 20+ years is unbearable 

[Hubby]

Hi Spaicer.

I agree with you on the anti-depressants. To my mind they are for combatting chemical imbalances in the brain which make us feel depressed for no reason. We have a reason and, as you say, the tablets aren't going to make it go away. I am actually on anti-depressants from before Margaret died and they have not stopped me grieving.

I have been going to counselling fir a while now. It's not a miracle cure but I have managed to put some negative thoughts away since starting it and do seem to recognise my feelings better. Maybe that is just through getting them out in the open with s bit if prompting.

I still cry every day and feel sad and lonely but, if nothing else, counselling is a place I can go to rant and cry away from family and work.

I would say give it a try. If you don't like it you can always stop.

 

[Karena]

I would give it a go,it helped me put some things into perspective.Depression is part of grieving I also have SAD so it gets worse at this time of year is it the depression that's worse or the grieving, because i,m indoors on my own much more inevitably one emphasises the other,I don't think you can split them,but anti depressants made me really I'll,I,m talking hallucination ill l so not an option for me. Also in view of your age has your doctor checked hormones etc,those imbalances can also make things worse.Having said all that,given your circumstances it is no surprising you are struggling.

[pennyking]

I would say give it a go, you have nothing to lose.    I was also already on anti depressants when I lost my husband and they don't stop you grieving.   Doctor did up my dosage and they helped me to sleep slighty better, which in turn helped me deal with the days better.  Take care, sending hugs. x

[Rosaleen]

 I went  to group counselling for  fortnightly sessions over 6 months. It was for  people who had lost their spouse/partner to cancer. Yes it was hard sometimes, and sometimes we laughed.  I always came away from each session feeling somehow lighter, and much less down. The  insights support and perspectives from others in the group helped tremendously. I chose this group counselling because  I'd benifitted so much from coming on BUK beforehand.
Although the formal sessions ended 6 months ago we still meet up every 3-4 weeks.

[Hubby]

My counselling this week was a pretty good session. I was a wreck before I went in but actually came out feeling better.
One reason is that my counsellor recognised I had been going downhill and figured out that it could be he side effects of cutting the dose of my anti-depressants. It was like a weight being lifted from my shoulders realising that there was a reason I was going backwards.

There must be a lesson in the counselling/anti-depressant route in there somewhere.

[Spaicer]

Thanks for all the replies

I definitely don't think I need anti depressants, counselling may help but I know I won't be able to go anyway as there's no one to watch my son when I go  my daughter was in tears yesterday as it's the first Christmas without dad &  it's her 21st too so I need to concentrate on everyone else as they're grieving too.  I've lost both my parents and I have to say losing a spouse is on another level but everyone is different, I need to look after them.

Thanks for listening

[Hubby]

It must be so difficult for you Spaicer. You do have to be there for your family but you really do need some you time to care for yourself. Even if it's just half an hour a day.

As for counselling have a word with your GP. you never know, they may be able to arrange counselling in your own home or over the phone.

Take care