Retirement - time to finally grieve or just feel extra lonely?

[dizzylizzy]

So my mum died in February and since then my dad has worked almost every day. He works where he lives (the business is actually owned by my brother - my dad's stepson) He inherited it when he turned 21 as his own dad died when him and my sister were very young. A few years later, my mum, who was also young when first widowed, remarried my dad and had me. My dad has worked there for over 20 years and at times, he and my mum kept the business going while my brother dealt with his alcohol problem.in fact they saved my brothers life too if the truth be known. Anyway that's all by the by. The thing is my dad is due to retire next month when he turns 70. Every one is saying how much he will miss his work but I feel it will only be then that he gets time to start grieving properly. His work is very manual and in fact he's not able to keep going, I know that and he knows that but I am worried that he will be even more lonely if that's possible. I'm hoping my kids and I will be able to stay more, I used to visit my mum every day and stayed all the time but haven't since Feb - mainly because my dad has been working constantly. I feel it is just such a huge change for him now and I really feel for him. I'm not sure what's the best way to supporting him.

[Julie Magson]

Mmmm this is a difficult one to answer. I suppose being truthful it could go either way. It will be good if you can stay with him a bit more when he retires as long as that is what he wants/needs. Would he be keen on doing little jobs for you around the home? It would help him to still feel useful and needed?

[dizzylizzy]

Haha I have loads of jobs for him and he has lots of his own jobs to be getting on with. I think I worry he'll miss the company mulish x

[Emz2014]

Can he continue involvement in a less manual way? (if he wants to)  so, maybe not full time, but still has an input and interaction?

Or if he does want to retire, are there other things he can pursue? Any interests he has which he now has time to follow, perhaps there's groups that meet nearby? Or would he fancy volunteering somewhere?  Or considering something like part time at B+Q or something, where maybe he can utilise the manual experience but in a less manual way, but with a belonging to a group

Even though work can be hard or get in the way, it does provide a beneficial structure. A purpose to get up in the morn and out of the house, some times we don't feel we want to or can but the structure helps us to cope better.  So it would be good to work out what kind of new structure he feels would be beneficial to him

Can you have a chat with him, see what he's thinking/feeling, and chat about how, if he retires, he will maintain connection/interaction with others, how he will have a structure that will suit him. By forward planning can help the transition, and also may help to identify if anything isn't going well once the change has been made  xx

[Hubby]

I would imagine that having more time on his hands would give your Father Time to reflect and that would possibly be quite upsetting.nHowever you may be right when you say he can't start grieve get properly till he loses the distraction of working.

All you can do is watch how it pans out and be there when he needs you.