Desperate moments

[Cath]

I lost my partner 4 weeks ago. It was very sudden and I'm devastated. It has been traumatic, as I found him and cpr did not work. I tried so hard. The paramedics tried so hard . It's been hell for 4 weeks, 2 coroner's involved, autopsy, inquest, inquiry, and we've only just been allowed to have the funeral.  He'd been planning to propose the week after on my birthday which I'm comforted to know we were thinking the same, but devastated that we never got that chance.
His family are not local, he was divorced, I've had it all to sort, his mother wanted me to, his daughters have been involved from a distance but they are young. The family have been very kind and have not pushed me out, I know they could as I'm not next of kin. We weren't living together, but have spent just about every day for nearly 2 years together. We were each other's second chance. He was my world. I am heart broken without him
This is so very cruel, and so hard to deal with. I'm so totally on my own, friends are often not available. The only person keeping in touch is his mum, she rings every night, she's elderly and cannot cope with me crying. I think I'm losing the plot, there are desperate moments.

[Hubby]

Hi cath.

Don't think that you are losing the plot. I think most posters in here have thought that but what you are going through is normal. You are grieving and probably entering the most intense phase of it. There will be a storm of thoughts and emotions going on in your head that you cannot unjumble. It does get easier but it is a slow process with many setbacks.

Wishing you strength.

 

[Emz2014]

Sending a welcome hug  xx

[Julie Magson]

Hello Cath and welcome to a kind, caring and understanding group. You're not losing the plot- you are being 'normal'. We have all gone, and still do, go through how you are feeling right now.

[alan2273]

Cath, 3 weeks after losing my wife I had to go into hospital for a four hour operation, I did not really care if I came of the operating table at the time.
You are not losing the plot, we have all been there.
It takes time to deal with grief, I am certainly nowhere near getting over it yet, but it will get easier with time.

[dizzylizzy]

I'm very sorry for your loss. It'a been very traumatic for you by the sounds of it. Hugs 

[that bird over there]

Cath, what a horribly cruel situation. It must feel so unfair you could scream - I think I would. I think any rational person would and so it certainly doesn't sound as though you're losing the plot to me. In fact, you're sharing this time with his mother who clearly understands what you meant to each other  and you're still making mental space to worry what other people can cope with! You sound like a very caring lady, but you must remember to be kind to yourself too.

[sue smith]

I cried for a year after losing my husband.  I was his carer for 42 years and went from busy all the time to nothing,  I took a long time coming to terms with that.  I did my shopping in tears, people got used to me and ignored me.  It will get easier, one day I didn't cry, that day will come for you when suddenly it's just a little easier to cope.  xx