Hi hi

[that bird over there]

Hi everyone, I'm Jayne. I Lost my Dad a month ago, I keep saying that but I hate the expression - it's not like I forgot where I parked the car. I guess it's just easier than saying the other D word. It was very sudden, he was fit and active, he was supposed to be fitting my kitchen that week and giving me away next year. I deal with death every day at work but there was no time to prepare for this and following my own advice is proving much harder than I imagined. My Mum was diagnosed with a terminal illness a couple of years ago and she thought she would die first. I'm spending time with Mum because I live close by and being there in the house where I grew up is making it easier for me. My other half is struggling with the new version of life and I constantly feel bad for not being in one place or the other. I feel cheated out of a parent. I feel guilty for not having appreciated him more, I'm sad he didn't get to see any grandchildren and I'm angry I didn't take the opportunities to learn more from him. I've spent time lurking and not wanting to post anything, mainly because I was worried Mum would log on and recognise the story, but I've said all of this to her anyway. It's all very new and I'm not sure what the best way is to manage these thoughts and feelings, but this seemed like a good way to start - so thank you all in advance. J xx

[Julie Magson]

Your poor mind sounds to be in such a jumble with everything going round and round. I'm sure that being on here will help you through the hurdles- it certainly has helped me. You say you're worried your Mum might log on but unless she knows your username/password then she shouldn't be able to.

[Brian71]

Hi Jayne,  sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad,  it sounds like your mind is all over the place at the moment, when we lose someone close to us this is normal, and will take time.  It can be so difficult and we get all sorts of emotions,  this is also normal,  but eventually with time, we begin to remember the good times, and slowly learn to accept the loss, and slowly we learn how to manage knowing they will not be part of our future, and I know only too well how hard that can be.

I wish you strength during this sad time. 


Regarding your Mum reading posts Jayne,    yes,  I can confirm that anyone can read many of the posts on here without even being a registered member, so no need to sign in,   though obviously to post and see certain sections of the site then one does need to register.   Though I'm sure your Mum would understand.

[Emz2014]

Sending a welcome hug    a month is such early days, it's a rollercoaster journey. Hope we can help support you xx

[that bird over there]

thanks guys :-) it's already done me good to hear people really understanding and empathising xx

[Hubby]

Hi Jayne. Welcome to the forum. I am very sorry to hear about your loss.

I don't think we can ever prepare ourselves for the loss of someone close even if we do have time. The shock of losing them is so great whatever we imagined it would be like doesn't even come close to the reality. Our brain will throw the full mix of emotions at us while it tries to come to terms with the massive change to our lives. You are certainly describing all the classic ones, sadness, guilt and anger.

Sharing your thoughts and feelings is a good way to start coping with them. Just the act of putting them into words can help to unjumble the whirlwind of thoughts that bombard us in the early days. The people on here are all on a similar journey and will help reassure you that what you are going through is normal and you aren't losing your mind.

Wishing you strength.