Introducing myself (again)

[Soph]

When I joined it said I should post in here explaining about who it was I lost

My dad died in January 2016. He had been diagnosed at the start of the previous December with terminal lung cancer (mesothelioma, a kind you get from exposure to asbestos), though we had had no real idea anything was really wrong and he was admitted to hospital with a suspected chest infection. But he died in a hospice 6 weeks later and those 6 weeks were a living nightmare that I wouldn't wish on a soul

I'm 23 and suffer from anxiety and panic attacks anyway and he was the first person really close that I'd ever lost. A lot of the time it feels like I lost my mum as well because of her grief and it's really hard trying to balance my own grief, hers and sorting out making a life for myself. It's coming up to a year now and I thought it would be good to have somewhere to talk about what happened. I don't like to talk to mum about it because it just sets us into a spiral of misery which is no help

I don't really know what I'm doing with forums so I might be a little slow to start with!

[Norma]

 

[Karena]

  take your time and don't worry about getting stuff in the wrong place we can fix it if needed.Grief is a long journey but a road all of us here are on,so we do understand,and just try to help each other along.

[Hubby]

Hi Sophie.

I lost my wife in March and I can see a bit of my daughters situation in your post. Sometimes, in fact most times, I am so wrapped up in my own grief I am of little use to them in their grief. I know they try to hide it from me for fear of upsetting me more but I really wish I could be of more help to them.

I'm sure your mother feels the same way about you, appreciates you being there for her and is very proud of the way you have dealt with your loss. It is a very sensible step you have taken to realise that now you may benefit from a bit of support

Wishing you continued strength

 

[Emz2014]

I've just responded to your other post  .  If you'd like some tips which could help with your panic and anxiety let me know. 
I found bereavement really knocks our confidence as well, at a time you need your strength it seems determined to hit you with all sorts of challenges.  Being here no-one is tackling that journey all alone xx

[Soph]

Thank you for the kind messages of welcome - I hope that it won't take me long to learn my way round - thank you Karena.

Hubby - it is very interesting to talk to someone who is in my mum's place. I am so sorry to hear about your wife - though I'm sure your daughters understand - it is still early days and your pain is very different from theirs. I do understand what my mum is going through, though it is hard to lose one parent and see the other suffering so much. If anything I found some comfort in protecting my mum, though, because otherwise I am helpless to do anything to make her feel better. I found seeking out other people to be better and spent time with my half-sister (we don't have the same mum) as there is more similarity in how we feel, and my maternal aunt, as there is a bit of separation there. I hope that your daughters were able to do this to.

I did see a counsellor for a short while but then I was accepted onto a summer internship in Exeter and so I moved away for 10 weeks and I haven't seen the counsellor since June. My mum is a member of a different forum, a more specialist one, and I see that it helps her in some ways, being able to speak to other people who know how she feels, so I thought I should try it.

Emz2014 - thank you - I'm not sure if I was supposed to post on both threads but it said to. I am always interested in tips to help with panic and anxiety. Right before we got the diagnosis the doctor prescribed anti-depressants. After the diagnosis I didn't much think they'd help and I was too busy visiting the hospital and caring for dad to worry about me. I had a phone consultation in Janaury and they pretty much said they couldn't deal with it because of dad and I should go through the cancer charities instead.

[Hubby]

I'm going to counselling. I have seen slight improvements since I started but there have also been big setbacks so Minot sure if it's the counselling or just passing time that's helping. It certainly feels better to voice my thoughts.

If you can't get back to counselling perhaps you could try a chat with the Samaritans. I have had s few long talks with them over the past months. It seems easier to unload my burdens on somebody faceless and anonymous and I always feel calmer after a call. Just a thought.

Take care

[BT]

Hi soph
I lost my mum in April, suddenly from a heart attack and the week in hospital was my worst nightmare plus the preceding months that followed.  As today is the actual day my mum died.  I am finding hard.  I have booked the day off work today.  But this forum has helped me a lot.  Everyone is understanding.  It has helped me a lot.  Im sorry for your loss.