Author Topic: Lost my mum  (Read 6783 times)

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Offline marvil296

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Lost my mum
« on: October 09, 2016, 11:07:36 AM »
Thanks hubby and Emz2014 for your kind words and support.IM glad to see hubby that you are starting to cope a bit better over the sad loss of your wife, when its comes to milestones and special occassions.Its so hard but the support you get here really helps.Today was so hard as its so soon since my lovely mum passed.I go to lift the phone to call her, which I did several times aday.Been playing the messages on my phone,looking at photos .I still miss my lovely husband to.My house is so quiet without him.I have my wee dog for company.He brings me great joy.I take him for long walks to clear my head ,It really helps.I also have a memorial garden for my lovely husband.Which brings me comfort.I also  feed the birds and have a bird bath and feeding station for them.Me and my husband loved nature and all animals.Taking long walks together.I love watching the birds me and mums favourite are the robin.Mum had lots of ornaments of robins.I have put some in my garden which looks lovely.marvil.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Lost my mum
« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2016, 02:59:59 PM »
I find alot of satisfaction feeding the birds in my garden and keeping on top of the birdbath.  I think a robin has moved in recently, last couple of days I've been out there there's a robin singing so prettily in the tree :-) xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline marvil296

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Re: Lost my mum
« Reply #2 on: October 09, 2016, 06:44:36 PM »
Hi Emz2014 Birds are so relaxing to watch.I went a long walk with my wee westie.It helps it was quite a nice day the sun was out.It was last Sunday while I was watching the xfactor I got a call suddenly about my mum.I last spoke to her at 2.30pm that day.We played her favourite Elvis songs at her funeral and her favourite song Run by Leona Lewis.Im very spiritual, today at 2.30pm on smooth radio which I have on all day in my kitchen.Run by Leona Lewis played at the exact time I spoke to my lovely mum.I believe that was her letting me know that she is okay.Thats the first Ive heard run on smooth for years.That made me smile.Thanks for your kind words.x

Offline Hubby

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Re: Lost my mum
« Reply #3 on: October 09, 2016, 10:40:02 PM »
I once made a bird table. Took me days to do it and I had visions of bluebirds and wrens and chaffinches eating at it. All I got was pigeons.  :sad:

its lovely that you managed to get a smile from the song at this early stage. I still can't listen to any of the songs played at Margarets funeral right the way through. I can't listen to Elvis singing 'How great thou art' at all.

 :hug:

Offline marvil296

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Re: Lost my mum
« Reply #4 on: October 09, 2016, 11:19:49 PM »
Hi hubby I think everyone connects with birds.They say when a bird or robin constantly visits you or crosses your path its a loved one in heaven saying hello I'm with you.I still cry at the songs to but I love to play them.Run especially helps me.As It was me and mums song.It must be about 6 months or so since magaret died.I remember reading it and was so moved by you and your family.Its a long journey to travel.Like you I have good days and bad days special occasions are the hardest.Thats a shame you only got piegons!

Offline Julie Magson

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Re: Lost my mum
« Reply #5 on: October 10, 2016, 04:10:26 PM »
Alan used to love feeding and watching the birds, the only trouble was all the guano and growing seed it all left behind- I now use no mess bird seed which doesn't seed itself all over. We once had a robin nesting in our shed- couldn't use it for ages. A few years ago I noticed 2 baby robins fighting in the garden. I started to gain their trust by spending hours sitting quietly near them and then slowly moving nearer and nearer with a bucket of live mealworms. Eventually just one of them was brave enough to take the worms from my hand and from then on it used to fly to the glass lean to and come in and wait for it's worms. It would also fly down from the tree when we called it to sit on our hand and take mealworms. Then the next year it brought it's babies to see us but by then Alan was becoming ill and so I couldn't spend the same time with them. Lovely memories.

Offline marvil296

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Re: Lost my mum
« Reply #6 on: October 10, 2016, 05:47:44 PM »
Hi Julie so lovely to read about the robins.Such a lovely memory to have of Alan.Birds are so beautiful.As I said Robins were me and my lovely mums favourite.I was down at her house today.Sorted out some of her clothes for the charity shop.It was so hard.I found some lovely photos .My mum loved colourful clothes.She loved her scarfs.Must have a bag with 70 scarfs already.She loved anything with glitter and sparkle.I put some more of her robin ornaments in my garden.I brought some of her beautiful flower vases home to.It was so hard being in her house when she wasn't there I could still smell her perfume.x

Offline Brian71

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Re: Lost my mum
« Reply #7 on: October 10, 2016, 06:20:36 PM »
Hi Marvil,  so sorry to hear of the sad loss of your husband and now your Mum too,  there truly is nothing worse.   I wish there were some magic words I could write which will help you and indeed for everyone else too,  but there isn't any.   However I do know what you are feeling as we all do here,  I lost my wife of 49yrs to un-diagnosed cancer in April (it was diagnosed a couple days before she died).

Maybe it's possible to get through each day as time passes,  but at my age especially, I doubt I will ever recover,  these loved one's we have lost were such a large part of our life,  indeed THEY WERE OUR LIFE it feels almost impossible to go on,  but somehow we have to try.

I wish you much strength in getting through each day during this difficult and very sad time in your life.

You take care.  :hug:

Best wishes.........Brian

Offline Brian71

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Re: Lost my mum
« Reply #8 on: October 10, 2016, 06:37:17 PM »
Julie it was nice reading about those Robins,  I live right out in the sticks (18mile nearest town)   so we tend to see a lot of wildlife here, lots of birds,  but I don't think I've seen a single one land on the bird stand,  though my daughter who's just returned to Cornwall this afternoon did say...well Dad you are supposed to put some food out for them...lol.

So maybe I need to do that more often...lol,  we do see lots of birds,  Squirrels and even the odd deer occasionally.
Unfortunately a couple of neighbours do have cats,  so maybe the birds are more wary,  however the bird stand is a good 5ft in height,  though there's often several birds at a time in the many tree's we have here,  eating from the fatballs and feeders hanging from the branches,   I can spend ages just watching them.

Offline Julie Magson

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Re: Lost my mum
« Reply #9 on: October 10, 2016, 06:55:52 PM »
Thank you marvil and Brian- I enjoyed writing it, a nice feeling! Try dried mealworms Brian- I would be very surprised if they refused those! (Don't get live ones they escape everywhere and if they develop into the beetle they can destroy a garden (apparently). :shocked:

Offline Karena

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Re: Lost my mum
« Reply #10 on: October 10, 2016, 07:25:09 PM »
Hubby try mealworms,those suet type bits and sunflower seeds,the ones not in shells,robins love them.Bluetits prefer hanging containers to a flat table bird peanuts are a favourite but only give them in winter as if they give them to the babies it can choke them.You won't get what the americans call bluebirds though they don't come here.
If all else fails love your pigeons,think of them as doves,they can be really funny,look at how they walk,and they fly like  they're sloshed.Also if you provide a bird bath more variety's will come for that,
 
A lot of the premixed bird seed is a waste of time,bulked out by stuff they won't touch hence the mess.I get the suet,dried mealworms,sunflower seeds,and mix them myself waste isn't an issue then.

Julie I had a pet robin too,found it literally frozen to the path made a bed in the shed then put a heater in there until it thawed out.My hubby thought I was bonkers,but it worked,lived in the :rofl: shed for the rest of the winter.I used to open the door in the morning feed it leave the door open then come back in the evening feed it again then it would hop back in the shed.In spring it was confident enough to tap on the back door if I was late,even come into the kitchen.also brought its babies,I knew it was the same one because it had a brown patch on its chest.It hung around for years.
The first fleeting moment after Keith died,when I felt like bothering to live was  a glimpse of sunshine and a robin singing so loudly it seemed to be refusing to be ignored,I will always be grateful to robins for that first smile and the cue to turn to nature for solace.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Lost my mum
« Reply #11 on: October 10, 2016, 08:38:06 PM »
I've got a couple of daft pigeons/doves, a few magpies, sometimes starlings, and lots of sparrows.  I'm not very good at identifying them so probably a range of birds amongst the sparrows lol! There's definitely a Robin and I did have a greater spotted woodpecker once but my photo is rubbish - he's a teeny dot on the photo but I had a good view of him

They cheer me up seeing them enjoying the food and birdbath and the trees and hedges are full of birdsong which is lovely when out in the garden.  I used to do just peanuts in the feeders but after seeing the pigeons trying to get some and looking so confused I've started spreading seed or suet bites with mealworm in on the grass.  Felt too guilty they couldn't get the peanuts! Xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline marvil296

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Re: Lost my mum
« Reply #12 on: October 10, 2016, 09:23:42 PM »
Hi Brian,thanks for your kind words ,so sorry about your wife.I love reading about all the stories about the birds from julie and Emz and Karena,hubby made me smile.You are all so kind.Birds are so relaxing to watch. That's a good size bird table you have.I would try the dried mealworms they love them.I have a birdbath you get lots of different kinds especially in the morning.I love to hear them sing.I took my wee westie for along walk today he loves his walks,It really helps me too.Always meet his doggy friends and there owners for a chat.Can be lonely in the house sometimes .Ive been sorting mum clothes for charity.Seems so soon to be doing that.But I have to give her house up in 10 days time so I have to do it .Its so hard though. Thankyou all for your support it really helps.x

Offline Brian71

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Re: Lost my mum
« Reply #13 on: October 10, 2016, 11:20:39 PM »
It's been 6mths and I've thrown nothing out of my wifes, or at least very little,  all her clothes are exactly as she left them in the wardrobes and draws,  I have no desire to remove them at the present time,  though I know I will eventually have to.   Going through all her clothes will be a toughie for me.

I could get my daughter to do it, but I won't, it's something I have to do myself......... when I'm ready.

Offline marvil296

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Re: Lost my mum
« Reply #14 on: October 10, 2016, 11:33:52 PM »
Hi brian take your time with your wifes clothes.I took my time with my husbands.It was about 9 month when I gave his clothes to charity.I kept personal items and my favourite jumper with his aftershave on it.Its fading now.But I have only 10 days to sort my mums as I have to give her house up.Its to quick but I dont have a choice.My lovely mum always gave to charity.She loved charity shops and everywhere we went that was her first stop.Take care.