Sad to introduce myself

[cinderellashoe]

Hello.  I lost my partner of 3 years 10 months on the 20th September.  I am struggling.  Devastated.  He took his own life after a battle with anxiety and depression.  I have so much guilt in my heart because i adored him and tried so hard.  He was a successful man, we both had children from previous relationships, i am 37 and he was 49, so there was 12 years between us, but it was never noticed. 

The loss is huge.  He was my soulmate, the man i had dreamed of meeting, a wonderful warm-hearted, beautiful-natured man.  For the first few years he was ok, but depression ran in his family and he struggled because he had guilt over his previous relationships breaking down and leaving his children.  But he was an AMAZING involved dad, one who didn't let the separation get in the way - he was involved and they idolised him. 

I miss him so much it hurts.  I pine for him, long for him.  The pain is just horrific.  After almost 4 years we were very much in love and we had planned a beautiful future.  I feel like my whole world has ended with him.  I love my kids so much but just feel like i can't bear being without him.  His illness had taken its toll on us and my defenses were already low so i feel like ive been hollowed out.

Thank you for reading.  I hope someone can offer some words that may help me.

xx

[Julie Magson]

 Hello C - what a heartfelt post. I am sure that you will find some comfort and support from being on here, your loss is very new and raw and you will have a million emotions and a thousand questions. We do all understand as we are all on the same journey though in different circumstances. We have to just go minute by minute, hour by hour, the way you are feeling right now is so familiar. (Lost my hubby in May). Offering a warm welcome  to a very supportive group of people 

[pennyking]

Hi & Welcome.  So sorry for your loss.  Please keep posting, telling us about your partner and how you are feeling, it will help putting things down in writing.  Just take your time.  Sending Hugs. Penny x

[Hubby]

Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear of your very recent loss.

You must be so confused and hurting right now. I wish there were words I could type that would help, if there were I would type them a thousand times over but words cannot lessen the loss you are feeling and the emotions you will be experiencing.

It can help to post in the forum or talk things over with people. Just having to put your feelings into words can allow you to make sense of some of the thoughts and questions you have. Other than that it will take a long time to come to terms with things and learn to cope with your new situation.

I wish you strength.

 

[Emz2014]

Sending a welcome hug 
Take things slowly, just concentrate on day by day, even hour by hour on a bad day.  We are here and understand.  Theres a chat room in the eve if you want to chat, aswell as the forum here.  You are not alone here xx

[Melodious]

I joined this site for similar reasons as my partner took her own life recently. Our relationship was only brief but the pain is very real. Some things you need to hold onto is that you are not to blame in any way for this but it is natural to have feelings of guilt and regret. We are not mind readers or can see into the future. I'm sure you did everything you could to help. Its going to take time and a lot of tears but its going to be OK, I'm sure he would tell you that himself.