Hello. I lost my partner of 3 years 10 months on the 20th September. I am struggling. Devastated. He took his own life after a battle with anxiety and depression. I have so much guilt in my heart because i adored him and tried so hard. He was a successful man, we both had children from previous relationships, i am 37 and he was 49, so there was 12 years between us, but it was never noticed.
The loss is huge. He was my soulmate, the man i had dreamed of meeting, a wonderful warm-hearted, beautiful-natured man. For the first few years he was ok, but depression ran in his family and he struggled because he had guilt over his previous relationships breaking down and leaving his children. But he was an AMAZING involved dad, one who didn't let the separation get in the way - he was involved and they idolised him.
I miss him so much it hurts. I pine for him, long for him. The pain is just horrific. After almost 4 years we were very much in love and we had planned a beautiful future. I feel like my whole world has ended with him. I love my kids so much but just feel like i can't bear being without him. His illness had taken its toll on us and my defenses were already low so i feel like ive been hollowed out.
Thank you for reading. I hope someone can offer some words that may help me.
xx