Hello

[Sunny]

Hi all
My lovely husband Keith died at the end of July. He was only 52 we had been married for 32 years. He had cancer and I have been off work since April. It was my first day back today, it was ok not as bad as I had been anticipating. I am lucky to work in a fab supportive team.

Keith had cancer since November 14 but was only really poorly this year when he stopped responding to the treatment. He fought so hard to stay with us. He never moaned and we had so many laughs and good times together.

I didn't realise how hard this would be, I thought I was preparing for it but no. We have three fabulous sons who are very supportive as well as the rest of the family and our friends. But I still can't imagine a life without Keith.  The waves of sadness and crying are uncontrollable at the moment.

Anyway I hope you are all having the best day you can xxx

[Julie Magson]

Hello Sunny and a warm cuddle from me Still all so raw for you, you will be on a rollercoaster right now. Try and remember that crying is good for you- it has to be done. It's been 5 months since I lost my hubby Alan and if it's any small help I actually had a 'good' day yesterday. I didn't think they would be possible but I know from other posts that they are possible one day.

[Karena]

Hi Sunny,I lost my husband ( also called Keith) five years ago.The early days are all  really bad then the rollercoaster comes along.with more lows than highs but gradually evens out .Its been a long struggle to sort out any kind of life on my own.I will always miss him but wherever I go take him with me in my heart.
I don't believe you ever heal the chasm they leave but over time you can develop strategy's so when you do fall back in, it becomes easier to climb out.
Being here is one of those strategy's because everyone here is on some stage of the same journey,and help each other along it.

[Emz2014]

Sending a welcome hug  xx

[Hubby]

Welcome to the forum Sunny. I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

I don't think we can ever be prepared for the loss of the person we thought we would spend our life with. There simply aren't the words to fully describe the emptiness. The waves of grief will become less frequent as time passes but it's a long journey.

Wishing you strength.

 

[Tony07]

Hi Sunny, I am very sorry for your loss, my Carolyn died 4 years ago this month and I still get tearful especially this time of year, its a very personal thing grief and nobody can really help you with it, its a thing you have to go through by yourself, I found the forum invaluable it helped me a lot. There are a lot of kind caring people here so just keep  posting and take it a day at a time, you will have good days and no so good days but its all part of the loss process. I wish you well and you are not alone in your grief many of us on this forum know what you are going through.   

[pennyking]

Hi Sunny and welcome,  So sorry for your loss.  Sending hugs. Penny x

[Sunny]

Thank you for all the lovely replies.

Yesterday at work was easier, at least I now think I will still be able to do my job. I was worried my head was so mixed up I wouldn't be and that would bring financial worries along with everything else.

Wishing you all a good day

[Hubby]

I dreaded returning to work Sunny but I think I left it too long. When I did finally go back I found it kept me busy and took my mind off the grieving for a while. It was definitely preferable to sitting in the house with time to think and upset myself.

Of course being busy doesn't stop the grieving and tears but it does give a few hours break from it. Realising we can still do what we used to is also a plus.

Well done on getting back into work.

 

[Sunny]

Thank you hubby.

I only went back as my sicknote had run out and I had used a couple of weeks leave.  I was not keen, but work, particularly my managers, had been so supportive throughout Keith's illness.

Everybody was telling me it was the right thing to do. I did not believe them but they were right. Everyone has been lovely.

It struck me this afternoon that it was like I had never been off. It is good that the job is the same but so sad that while my life has been torn apart and my wonderful husband is no longer with me and our sons nothing has changed there.

[pennyking]

Well done Sunny.  It's not the easiest thing to do.  Glad you have been well supported at work, it makes a big difference.  Take care. X

[Hubby]

I've had that strange feeling Sunny. Where it's 'business as usual' all around me while my life has been turned upside down. It's surreal.