Six months

[Hubby]

Cheers Julie

I have had the day from hell. I cried for five hours non stop this morning. Right until I got to the door of the club the party was in. I managed to stop, went in and immediately broke down again in front of everybody there. I did manage to stop and have a bit of a play with little Oliver (he wouldn't leave me alone) the the DJ, who has done family parties for over ten years, played a favourite record for Margaret and nearly everyone there ended up in tears. The whole thing just seemed so wrong without her. I kept feeling I would turn around and she would be there.

It's over now and I think that will be the last family party we ever organise.

I'm now in a premier inn in Birmingham. Unfortunately I got here too late to see the Christmas market while it was open it it looks amazing.

[Emz2014]

Sending a big hug hubby  a gathering like that so soon in your journey is going to be hard.  You may find years down the line you can attempt another gathering, it'll be a shame to lose connection with your family otherwise 

I went to the bham market last year and really enjoyed it, hope you have some time to see it

Be gentle with yourself xx

[Hubby]

Thanks emz.

The party has broken me. I had a massive cry in the hotel last night at the time I would normally ring Margaret when I was working away. Similarly this morning. I struggled to concentrate on the course and keep tears back. I broke down completely when I got home. I've a feeling I'm going to have a bad week off.

[Julie Magson]

Aw 

[Emz2014]

Be really gentle with yourself hubby, if you need to rest, make sure you rest.  It may be a down week, you can survive it and cope again    we are here for you xx

[Karena]

  Its a bit like being a kid going the wrong way up a slide,sometimes I think you have to just accept that this week is a bad week and rest from struggling upwards,but they do right themselves and you do get back to climbing the slippy slope upwards knowing that you will slide down again but perhaps not as far next time.

[Hubby]

Thank you all for the replies.

I was too down to get online night. The actual day was a good day. I postponed the job I had planned and went for a day out with my two daughters, my youngests fiancée and little Oliver. We went to the Trafford centre and visited the sea life centre and legoland. It was a really good day out. When I got home I made us all a curry with the leftover chicken from the party. Unfortunately I then went downhill.

Today I was crying from the moment I woke up. It's Ollies first birthday. Exactly a year since I was the happiest man alive and Margaret the happiest woman. We didn't know if our first grandchild was going to be a boy or a girl. Margaret had already bought just about everything that could be bought in neutral colours. She woke me up with a big beaming smile and said "It's a boy. Come on let's go shopping". Next thing I know we're at the checkout of the supermarket with a couple of hundred pounds worth of baby boys clothing. Margaret was so happy just grabbing everything and throwing it in the trolley. What a difference a year makes

I went out to counselling and spent about three hours fitting a new lock on a back door.

It's also my birthday today but it's not something I had any interest in. I wasn't going to get the present I really wanted or even the one card that mattered.

Yes, it's a rough week.

 

[Karena]

 

[Julie Magson]

A birthday hug for you Hubby 

[Hubby]

Cheers for the hugs.

My week off is turning out pretty unproductive. I had planned on cladding s bathroom this week. I really wanted to get an early start this morning. I woke at 7 when the alarm went off and started crying so I went back to sleep. I did eventually start the job at 1 this afternoon but spent so much time moving my tools, getting materials and generally faffing around I only got about s metre of the ceiling done. My target was to do he whole ceiling and one of the walls.

I finished working when it got dark. Luckily my mother in law made pea soup (with the ribs left over from the party) because I wouldn't have been bothered cooking. After tea I started crying again.

Yesterday my counsellor told me that the party and mine and Ollies Birthday would be a bit of a " double whammy". What was strange was that I hadn't anticipated them being a problem at all. I thought I was getting somewhere but this setback is easily the worst yet. I don't think I have ever cried so much and been able to hold the tears back so little.

I'm thinking it will remain this way till I get back to work on Monday and get my mind occupied again.

Take care all of you. I hope your having better days.

[Brian71]

Sorry I missed your birthday Yesterday Hubby,   so a happy belated birthday anyway.  I know what you mean in that nothing seems very important now including birthdays,  I stopped counting mine years ago...lol.

I've not been coming on the forum so much lately,  I'm trying to wean myself of it a little if I can, as it can trigger a few things for me,  I'm sure you know what I mean,  but it's good to know it's always here if I need it.

I collect my new car tomorrow, and I don't feel any slightest excitement at all this time,  but because my 4x4 VW Tiguan which never saw a single snow flake since I got it new 3yrs ago,  and reverted back to a front wheel drive this time,  you can guarantee Hubby we will have the worst snow ever this year.....sods law...lol.    I'm going down to visit my daughter in Cornwall this weekend,  so I'm looking forwards to seeing her and my 2 granddaughters,  although it's barely 2mths since they came up,  it seems ages to me.

Keep plodding on my dear friends.  'A day at a time remember'......Hope you all have a good weekend.

Best wishes to everyone.............. Brian

[Hubby]

Thanks Brian.

I hope you get a bit excited about your car when you pick it up. Just think of all the fun you are going to have skidding around if we do get snow. lol

Enjoy your trip.

[Karena]

Not much snow in Cornwall Brian.Last weekend was fun,the site we stay on is high up above in the Pennines the road up too it has 1 in 5 hills,is very narrow with double bends and a steep drop off the side..I almost turned back before I even got to the first town it was a proper blizzard,but kept going and managed to get there.It snowed most of Saturday then froze.Sunday it started thawing so we hung round until must after lunch then there was a mass exodus before it froze again.had a good weekend though,but been downhill all the way this week It appears I need a new roof,and next door have really pushed there luck,Their gas vent now goes into my garden no permission not even a please can I.Plus the wall now has a hole twice the size it was which means more p!ants crushed and stream damaged. This is one of the things I hate,people just taking the Micky,Keith would have sorted it but I can't.I will be planting a tall fast growing hedge in February.I,m thinking the compoist heap might get relocated to behind it on their side,and we all know horse manure is good for gardens and I might just know where there is some.

I don't know what it is Hubby I find it takes twice as long to get stuff done in the house,and lots of faffing around goes on.Its even more ridiculous that it seems worse in winter,there are lights. but it seems dark days and nights mean I just can't get motivated.Hibernation would be a good option.
probably sounds odd but I buy myself a birthday present from Keith.Nothing major just something he might have chosen.
Brian I still have his last 20 pound note which I won't spend that way as long as I have it,he is still taking care of me.crazy really,but then I  hzve been doing crazy for a while now.

[Hubby]

I know what you mean about people taking the Mickey Karena. I went to a building site on a neighbouring property to see if there was a joiner who could fit a lock for me. When I got on the site I saw that they were building a new fence grabbing a chunk of land that belongs to me. I've put up with them having their site hut on it for months but now they seem to think the land is theirs. I may have some hefty legal fees in the coming months.   

Today has been a day if two halves, or rather a quarter a half then another quarter. In the first and last quarters I was in my house and prone to unpredictable sudden bursts of crying. In the middle half I was busy with the bathroom cladding two doors away. Measuring and sawing and rewiring kept me busy and it was fairly enjoyable.

[Karena]

I had a sudden burst of energy today odly too,lots of cleaning has been done.And i finally managed to get out the gubbins that has fallen behind the washing machine.Which was a case of tipping it forward to rest on a rickety stool then still not being able to reach.After several attempts i had a genius idea and found one of the kids fishing nets in the shed.I now have 3 bottles of washing liquid thought i was getting through it a bit quick.I have eldest grandson coming tonight to stop over,until his rugby match tomorrow,so perfect excuse for pizza.TV is playing up only BBC working giving me a choice of rugby or snooker.woopy doo so early on here tonight because his nibs will take charge of the tablet when he discovers this fact
.I wish I had your skills hubby Mrs bodgit is my level.Yes land grabbing has also been a feature with these neighbours only a few inches,but still cheeky,shall I send you some horse manure over too.