Have been bumbling along quite steadily for a few days, managing ok, then this morning, shopping in a local garden centre, saw in their Christmas sweets and treats displays that they had a pile of Newberry Fruits on sale. Now it was a joke between John and I that these were our secret vice and we so looked forward to Christmas when they would go on sale and the first one of us to find the first box of Newberry Fruits each year was hero or heroine for the day! So when I saw them, my heart just lifted and a big smile broke out and for a split second, I forgot my 'new' life and was so happy I was going to be the Newberry Fruits Heroine 2016. Then just as swiftly, the reality crashed in and I was just devastated. It was the worst feeling imaginable (tho I know you all will recognise what I'm describing) and laid me so low for quite a while. As so many of you have written, it can be the silliest thing that knocks you down. Made me dread the coming dark winter and especially Christmas, which was John's favourite time of the year. So sad that he died shortly before Christmas last year - when he was in hospital the final time he kept on asking me did I think he'd be home for Christmas. His funeral was on 22nd December and I pleaded with the Funeral Directors to get his ashes back to me before Christmas so at least his remains would be at home with me. They were very kind as it was a bit difficult for them to manage this, but one of their team arrived at my door on Christmas Eve with them. I was supposed to be having Christmas lunch with John's sister and family, but on Christmas morning, my dog was wretchedly ill and there was no way I could leave him alone for 4 hours in that state, so I ended up sitting at home alone begging my dog to get better. Coz I'd planned to have lunch out I had no food out of the freezer to cook, so I was sitting on the sofa eating a cheese sandwich watching the Muppet Christmas Carol on television and howling my eyes out. Surely this year cant be worse than that!!!!!! Oh and Harris (the Westie) did get better so not as bad an outcome as it might have been!