Hello George, yes I've read up lots on the subject and like others here I tick all the boxes. I did go along for one Cruse counselling session some weeks ago, as I had promised my daughter I would do so, but strangely I went through that meeting without barely any emotions at all, it was if on the morning of the meeting I had gone into some self preservation mode, I put a suit and tie on, almost as if I was going for a job interview and felt full of confidence and self assurance....very strange. AIS I showed barely any emotions at all, no tears, nothing. After explaining to the lady how my wife had suddenly passed away, in fact I showed her a copy of the 3-page formal complaint letter I had sent to the hospital, which explained it better than my telling her, and I noticed after she read it that she had tears in her eyes, and I actually said...it looks like you need counselling more than I...lol she said...yes it does choke you up a little when you read that.
Basically, I felt, there were bereaved people out there that needed their services more than I, and so I told her I didn't want any further counselling. I'm coping like the rest of us George, but you do get those bad days, even months down the road.
I think the worst bit is the loneness, I need to keep my mind occupied more, as one can keep going over repeating what happened in your mind, almost like a form of self denial, because you still can't believe what's happened. The realisation that your very reason for living is no longer here, and I feel she had a rough deal too because right up to two days before her death doctors have been telling her it's nothing serious, it's a just a chest infection. For two years they had been saying she's clear, cancer had not returned but they were totally mistaken. They even discharged her from the A&E a week before her death when she was taken in with shortness of breath after collapsing in the supermarket, giving her a prescription for antibiotics and saying go back to your doctor if it doesn't clear up within 2weeks, she was dead within 7 days....idiots!
So I keep reliving those last few days George, I'm so full of anger....you would not believe. I'm still awaiting the results of the formal investigation the hospital are doing... it's been 5 months now. TBH...I don't think I can move forwards until that's been settled, I'm trying but it's not easy, but you know that yourself only too well.....like others here.
You take care my friend..