Feeling so alone

[Jacks]

I still can't believe my husband has gone , he passed away on 2nd August after a short battle with lung cancer , he was diagnosed beginning of April still working beginning of June as a bricklayer. I just don't know how I am going to carry on we were married for 42 years , how do you go on nothing seems worth bothering about how will I ever have a life now without him

[Julie Magson]

What a massive shock for you. I lost my hubby in May, so we are both still new and raw on this journey no one wants to be on. I didn't think I could go on in the first hour, day, week, month and yet somehow, somehow, we do it. One thing that has helped me with all these frightening thoughts and emotions that we never knew existed before, is being on here and realising that we are 'normal' and certainly not alone.

[Millie]

Hello Jacks

I understand how lost you are feeling. My husband died on 8th August this year, sudden death after 28 years of marriage. I have his ashes on the settee where he used to sit ready to scatter on Wednesday.

The physical and emotional pain is too much to bear and nobody can take it away from you. I hug his pillow at night and every morning pretending that he is still with me.

Do you have nightmares? I do and they are horrible. You just have to remember to keep breathing in and out. I'd rather just slip into oblivion forever just so that I can be reunited with him, but unfortunately that is not possible.

I wish you strength and know that I can feel the pain you are going through, just like everybody else can on here.

Millie

[Jacks]

Thank you Julie and Millie so sorry to hear your sad story's , I think it is going to help having people on here who know exactly the pain I am feeling, I don't have nightmares Millie must be awful for you. I have my husbands pyjama top that he was wearing when he died which I cuddle at night. I have his ashes on my dressing table I haven't decided what I'm going to do with them yet. It's just such a long time to be with someone and then they've gone

[pennyking]

Welcome Jacks, so sorry for your loss.  I hope you can find some comfort in knowing you are not alone in how you feel.  Keep posting and tell us more about your husband.  Sending hugs, take care Penny x

[Brian71]

I'm so sorry Jacks to hear of the loss of your husband,  42yrs together is a long time.  It's very raw for you right now,  but the pain you are feeling will become a little more bearable,  but it takes time...a very long time.  A big part of your life has gone,  it's been 5mths for me since my wife passed away suddenly also from lung cancer in April, we were married for almost 49yrs.

I remember those first few weeks,  they were unbearable, indeed it took me a little time for it to fully sink in.  5 months in,  and the daily crying is occurring less often,  I think the loneliness is probably the worst part, as I have few friends,  my wife was my best friend, never needed anyone else,  though I do have 2 or 3 who I speak to on the phone occasionally, as they live outside the UK, and my daughter who was very close to her Mum also phones most days.

You will find it difficult initially, and I wish I could say it gets better with time,  time does help obviously,  but I still get very upset when I start thinking about my dear wife....it does get less painful but it takes a long time.    I can think of nothing worse than losing a beloved husband or wife, after so many years, they were our life, so how do we carry on afterwards, that's a question many ask, and I wish I knew the answer, because I'm struggling too, as many on here are, all we can do Jacks is to take it one day at a time.

Everyone here has gone through what you are feeling, sometimes talking about it does help.
We all need a hug sometimes so here's mine to you...
 

Best wishes....  Brian

[Jacks]

Thank you penny I will keep posting . Brian it helps to hear other people's story's it doesn't make it hurt any less but you know the awful feeling of losing someone who was your world , I have children and 2 of them have been fantastic , my youngest son and wife and there 2 boys have been staying with me since my husband John died. I know what it's like to lose a loved one as we lost our 5 year old daughter to cancer 29 years ago and I thought I would never get over it , but this is so different I have no one to talk to and share things with I haven't been out of the house much when I do I feel strange because he would have been with me . I am like you Brian in that I don't have lots of friends as I didn't need them we did everything together. I cry every day and every night and just feel numb xxx

[longedge]

Hello Jacks,
Getting out of the house is a major issue for me too. I don't mind going out, I'm not agorophobic, I go shopping or for say a dental appointment but when it comes to just going out, I can't! We did everything together and no matter where I choose to go half of me is missing. One day it will be easier eh....

[Jacks]

Yes I'm the same I have been food shopping a couple of times but even that's difficult because we always did it together and I see things he liked , and yes half of me is missing and always will be. It's funny how people who you thought were friends and who you thought would be there for you don't even bother to phone or message let alone visit , that hurts to think they can't spare a few minutes just to let you know they are there.

[Julie Magson]

Totally agree Jacks - everyone says 'If there's anything I can do just yell' till about 2 weeks after the funeral but I find that so hard to do. If only they would come to the house,knock on the door and say 'Right, what needs doing?' It's awkward just to turn up at a neighbours house because I always feel it might not be the right time or they wanted to go out etc. I also don't feel confident right now going out of the house, I make myself do it, but like longedge says it's usually for medical appointments and then I can't wait to get back in the house, then the loneliness sets in again! It's no wonder people don't know how to cope with us!

[Hubby]

Hi Jacks. Sorry to hear of your loss.

I was also surprised at the people who went out of their way to avoid speaking to me following my wife's death. I know it's awkward and people don't like mentioning death but some of them, we called them Ninjas, even managed to open the front gate, walk up the path and post a card so quietly they didn't even attract the attention of my Jack Russell, Billy, and he goes absolutely ballistic when people even think about coming up the path.

it's just over five months since I lost my wife. Though it often doesn't seem like it I know I have made improvements with coping over that time but it's very a slow process with many setbacks.

Wishing you strength