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Counselling Help

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Gogga12:
Counselling Help
Are there many of you that have tried counselling? Have you found it a help in understanding the stages/process of this grieving?

I've been in touch with Cruse but understand there is a waiting list and I'm told they don't think it helps in the first 4 months of grief anyway, I'm only at 2 months. I had counselling many years ago for another matter....in all honesty just found they pulled my life apart then withdrew funding due to cutbacks and I was left in pieces wondering how to put it all back together again.

I'm just in a really bad place this last week, can't find any purpose in getting out of bed, nor getting dressed or eating. I'm just shutting myself away, now I'm not even answering the telephone on the rare occasions it rings because I can't contol my grief when I'm talking to people. I've been to the doctor, although he was understanding, there was nothing he could do to help.

Any help appreciated. Thanks

Emz2014:
In the first few months I think there's so much to process that perhaps our minds arent in the right place for counselling. With all the arrangements to do, and with the shock and it all sinking in we arent in a place to make changes etc, it takes all of our energy to go from day to day

I do think counselling has a place in many situations, bereavement included, but I think it is important to find the right kind of counselling for you. There are many different types of counselling, person centred, cognitive & behavioural, psychoanalytical, humanistic and many others.  It is also important to find the right fit, you need a rapport with the therapist, so dont be afraid to change people, if the fit with that person doesnt work

I had counselling years ago when I went through a difficult period, I believe it was person centred counselling and personally I didnt find it helpful atall.  She just sat there and she just made me feel awkward, felt like she expected me to just sit there in tears or behave a certain way and it was like talking to a brick wall.  For me it also didnt help it being a prearranged time, after 'holding it all together' for work etc then rushing to the appt through traffic etc I didnt feel in the right zone to open up.  Im sure person centred may help others, for me it wasnt a good fit. (Or perhaps it was her particular approach to it).  I think perhaps a different therapy would have suited me better.

I do believe it is not helpful if the therapist just wants to repeatedly go over traumatic memories.  Its one thing discussing them to find a way forward (especially if you yourself feel you need to talk about it), but their focus should be moving forward, not making it more painful for you.

For me during my grief being able to talk with others here who understand was really valuable to me and I have not sought counselling at this time. I wouldnt rule it out if i felt i needed it in the future, there's nothing wrong with needing to 'borrow' someone elses mind to help you get back on track Xx

Gogga12:
Thank you Emz, all you say makes a lot of sense. I appreciate your views and help x

Karena:
I got bereavement counselling through my gp,and the first two weeks I almost gave up on it because I came out feeling terrible,but it did help after that,the lady I had suffered bereavement herself,she didn't mock my views or tell me I was illogical,she didn't try and analyse me or tell me I should be doing something ,or it was time to move on let go or any other daft things she listened and sometimes said back to me what I had said then turned it around and helped me to look at it another way,so certainly with guilt and with not accepting help offered by friends but trying to go it alone she helped a lot.Its as Emz says different people have different experiences,there isn't a "cure" for grief but there is help in sorting through things that go through your head and finding ways to cope with it.

Gogga12:
Thank you Karena,  that sounds really helpful, yes, it's good to look at this a different way and sometimes we need that pointed out to us as our thoughts go round in circles especially when we are on our own.

I did talk to the doctor. They don't offer anything in the way of counselling themselves here due to lack of funding now, he just referred me to Cruse.

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