All you can do Joann is take one day at a time, I know it's not easy, some days can be awful, I know that part of Scotland very well indeed, very beautiful, I was up there myself a few weeks ago, and have another week booked end of September, I normally book into the Premier Inn at Fort William, but this year I hired a caravan which is positioned alongside the northern edge of Loch Ness.
Assuming the loved one was cremated, it can be difficult deciding what to do with their ashes, I really couldn't think of a particular favourite place, as my wife and I had so many favourite places and none stuck out, and so I was very undecided....still am. They remained in the box for weeks, exactly as the funeral directors had given them to me, in the end I bought a very nice casket, which also takes a photograph in the front, and she is now in prime position in my lounge. Whether they remain there until my demise, I don't know but I feel it's more appropriate than just remaining in that green box I was given, at least until I can decide.
The ashes being there don't upset me too much, it's when you start thinking, and memories flood back and you look at their photographs that starts me off. When you lose someone close to you, it has a massive impact on your life, when my wife's life finished so did mine, that's' how I feel, but they would want us to go on, yes I agree with you, some days you do feel you cannot function, we can only try, hopefully with the passing of time the pain we feel won't be so acute, and we can think of them without falling apart emotionally.
It's good, you have the church in your life Joann, I did too many years ago, indeed at one time we had 2 vicars in the family, there is still one today, my cousin. My family were very religious when I was young, but both my wife and I gave up religion some 30yrs ago, but we both respected peoples desire to follow their beliefs whatever they may be, and if it gives comfort and helps people that's all that matters. Which was why my wife had a humanist service and not a religious one which is what she wanted. In fact in a letter she wrote back in 2013 prior to her having lung surgery in 2013 in case something happened, she stated at her funeral she wanted lots of laughter, buckets loads of PMA which was her favourite expression (positive mental attitude) red noses and balloons. Absolutely true! I hadn't a clue what she had written, it was opened in front of all the family on the afternoon of her passing in April, so at her service several family members wore red noses (not my idea, it was my sons, as I might have omitted those) and over 100 helium balloons including animal shaped one's were released after the service, many having personal messages written on them. Certainly not what most people would want or choose, but she did, one things for sure, I doubt the funeral director had seen anything like it before, sadly there was no laughter, which I know she wanted, and though it was different it still remained very dignified. She was the most positive person I've ever met, her glass was always half full. The day before she died we were both crying, we knew it was terminal but nether of us even suspected she would pass away next morning, if any family visited she would pass her hand over face saying 'the crying stops now' 'eh come on you wimp' to me.
I think Joann, we sometimes have to ask what would the loved one, be it a mother, a husband or dear wife or indeed anyone close to us, want you/us to do after they have gone ? All on here know how hard it can be, because we share that same grief, the same sort of feelings. The feeling that your life is empty and no longer has any meaning, and no future, I feel like that, as so many on here do too I'm sure, all we can do is support each other and somehow hope that with time that pain we feel will get less and become bearable a day at a time. I do feel that socialising more with people helps, though I'm not doing that myself, but I feel inside we should be doing more of that and hopefully in due course perhaps we can forge some sort of normality out of what remains.
You take care Joanna, and remember.......... a day at a time.
Best wishes..... Brian....
