Lost my dad 4 months ago

[rawareham]

Hi

I have posted a little bit before but I lost my dad on 1st April this year. He was only 60 and died very suddenly of a brain hemmoraghe. Im still finding it hard to believe someone is absolutely fine one day and gone the next. We have had to sell his business and now this week someone has offered on his house. I feel so sad and miss him so much and feels so wrong to be selling his things when just 5 months ago we were all happy and celebrating his 60th birthday with no idea what was coming?

Im lucky I have two young children (4 and 8 months) to keep me smiling but I think of my dad a million times each day and just dont understand what has happened. Life just carries on but at the same time it feels like it has stopped?

xx

[Julie Magson]

I know exactly what you mean. Everyone around you is going about their business and you feel in a void and empty. I know it will ease for you- I remember when I lost my Mum and Dad I felt like an orphan!

[Emz2014]

Sending a hug    its such a shock to lose a parent still so young.  I lost my dad at 59 xx

[rawareham]

Im so sorry to hear that - how are you doing?

Day to day I can carry on, I have too with 2 little kids, and they make me smile but its so hard.

He was perfectly healthy, the happiest he had been in years and really enjoying being a grandad. Its frightening how quickly life can change. My husband lost his mum to cancer when he was 16 so he has been a great support but I miss my dad so much. I think about him so much.

xx

[Emz2014]

I've passed the 3 year anniversary now. Some days I still find it hard to believe. Hard to explain, but sometimes feel it didn't really happen and he is still there in his cottage. (I had one of those moments today actually)  I think of him daily and miss him, but the pain isn't as raw anymore. I often think of good times we had. Xx

[rawareham]

Thats where I hope to get too - but I guess its still such early days its only been 4 months. But often in my head I picture him sitting on his sofa watching tennis or out in his garden with his dogs, or out driving his ice cream van (which he loved!) as if he isnt really gone. Then it hurts so much when I realise he isnt doing any of those things.

For me I think because it was so sudden - my life literally went from very happy (we had only had our second son 3 months before) to turned upside down in the space of one phonecall and as soon as we got to the hospital we was already 'gone'. We sat with him all night until they did tests to confirm the next day there was no brain acitivity and then had to make decisions about organ donation. It feels like that didnt really happen and I dont like to think of the hospital as it makes me anxious but also its the last time I spent with him and was able to hold his hand , see his face and tell him not to be scared. Its hard to get my head round.

Im grateful that he looked 'normal' if you know what I mean and we were able to sit all night with him. They say he was already gone when the ambulance arrived due to the amount of bleeding on his brain but I hope somehow he knew we were there with him.

God I miss him so much. xx

[Emz2014]

4 months sounds a long time but when losing someone so significant in our lives its not long.

Im sure he knew you were all there for him. 

My dad was diagnosed with cancer, was unable to eat, he started disappearing before us, then he started to respond to treatment. Everything seemed so hopeful, then I couldn't get hold of him one morning, my sister went over to check on him and found him in the hallway, already gone. I'll never forget that phonecall.  He was diagnosed then lost all within the space of around 3 months.

I found the first year difficult, then the second year brought its own challenges which surprised me.  I guess I'd heard lots of the first year being difficult (all the 'firsts') and no one had really talked about the second year.  It was/is an ever changing journey.  As time went on I found it helped to 'accept' each emotion and go with it.  So if I was sad I allowed myself to be sad,
It has definitely changed me, I'm a different 'me' in a way. Im still working on some 'things' even now
I only get occasional bad days now. I miss him daily but its a less painful missing the majority of the time. I strive to do things in memory of my dad, to make him proud.

Sending a hug  xx

[Hubby]

So sorry to hear of your loss rawareham.

Sudden losses leave so many unanswered questions and things left unsaid but, deep down, I think ourselves and our loved ones know the important things like how much we loved each other. Things like that don't need saying.

Wishing you strength.

 

[BT]

So sorry about your loss.  I lost my dear mum 4 months ago  also.  my mum was fine too we were laughing and joking the day before then out of the blue.  It too was sudden. I was in total shock.  I still imagine my mum smiling.

[rawareham]

BT - I am so sorry to hear that. You must be going through hell too. It still doesn't quite feel real. Anytime you want to talk, we can. xx

[BT]

Hi rawareham, you too if you need to talk.  I'm going through a lot of emotions. It is still quite hard to believe. I'm finding this site to be a source of comfort.  When my mum died a part of me died too. I'll never be the same.

[rawareham]

How has your weekend been?

I agree, when I lost my dad I feel like every part of my life, and me, changed in some way. I think differently about things? I guess thats a normal reaction to such a huge shock. Even now a weird part of me thinks it cant be real. When I think back to being in the hospital with him it feels like it didnt really happen in a way? He was gone by the time we even got to the hospital ( they think he passed away in the night, he had a brain hemoraghe) but we stayed with him for 24 hours so they could do tests and things to confirm what they thought. I want to forgot that 24 hours as it was horrendous but also its the last time I spent with him, held his hand, hugged him etc so I want to remember it forever.

I miss him so much.

How are you doing today? xx

[BT]

Hi, like you The week when my mum was in hospital was the worst week of my life, we clung onto hope but after my mum was brought off sedation she was not showing signs of improvement.  But I also have the treasured memory of holding her hand and putting her favourite music on while we sat with her. The whole family knew in their heart of hearts that my mum had died on the Friday but I just couldn't believe it.  After leaving the hospital after seeing my mum after she died.  I went to the park where there were some ducklings as my mum told me the week previous that she had seen the ducklings for the first time in the spring.   Tears streamed down my face. 

[Hubby]

The loss of someone close certainly makes us think differently.

It puts what is really important into perspective. Things that may have seemed like massive problems to us become trivial. Things that once seemed trivial become important.

I guess that's why they call bereavement a life changing event.