Hi ,
I am new to this group. Found it this morning .
My hubby died three months ago . He had MS and a low grade leakemia which. He was having treatment for. He was diagnosed with MS in 1985 . We had two small daughters . Aged3 and 5 . .
It was a difficult journey , but we had our happy times too. We adjusted to it all the best way we could. We tried to bring our daughters up as normally as possible and give them a happy,childhood.
We loved with the grief of the illness for many years so I am familiar with the grief journey. Every time my hubby's lost the use of partof his body we grieved . I am familiar with,grief but I wasn't prepared for the grief of his death . I thought because I had already grieved all those years somehow it would be easier. But how do you measure grief ? Maybe I am finding it easier than some , I don't know .
Before,my hubby was diagnosed with MS , I had an experience that changed my life . I found faith in God after years of questioning and searching. This has been my mainstay and source of strength for many years .
In April, Ray started to get one infection after another. They told us this would happen because the leakemia and the treatment weakened his immune system . They said it would be the infections that would be the thing that took him . He didn't have the strength to fight it. He was a fighter , he was brave for years and years. I've never met anyone like him. He said I helped him to carry on and the love of our daughters and grandchildren . Three little grandsons who have brought us so much joy . I like to call our journey Joy and pain in the same box , because that's what it was . And it still is .
There's been so much pain , but so much joy as well.
I've been to Spain for six weeks to stay with my friend , she was brilliant, she looked after me ,I've known her since I was fifteen . Since I've come back it's been hard , my daughter is having problems with her hubby . He is drinking and has had an affair . She has come to stay with me to get some space from him . It's so stressful on top of everything else. My daughter is near breaking point . She has just joined a support group Al- Anon and it's helping her.
I could just do without it on top of everything else. And her son is 4 , he is playing up because of the split and he is picking it all up , even though they have tried to put on an act in front of him.
I feel as if I can't grieve properly because there is so much going on .
I feel like running away . I am getting space in the day when she is at work and my grandson is at nursery . His dad is having him some nights as well.
Anyway , my hubby had four infections after another and I thought to myself is this it ? His body was breaking down , he wasn't responiding to antibiotics . He lost his ability to swallow and in the end he just said he didn't want any more treatment . It was a way out for him . It was very hard for us all looking on but he died peacefully in my arms six days later . It was a beautiful death , if you can call it that . I see that as a gift to all of,us as a family because it wasn't traumatic for him or us .
I miss him so much , his sense of humour . His kindness , his strength . We were together for 41 years . I met him when I was 20 . I've been with him all my life . I don't miss the illness and all that went with it . I Wouldn't wish him back suffering , he went through enough. But I miss HIM .
That's my story I'm glad I found this place
