Oh yes Angela, I know that too well. Only the other morning I woke from sleep thought I could hear my Alan in the kitchen making my morning cuppa to bring me with my medication..... I waited and thought he was being a long time this morning, what's taking him so long, and then I remembered and the waves of despair swept over me and I thought I was drowning and when I didn't drown I wish I had.
And the Autumn/ Winter, just how do we face that ..... I haven't got to that one yet, like many before me, but already it fills me with dread ..... getting out even less, no public transport after 7pm, not that I can use public transport, but having to be home before dark at 4pm because my eyesight doesn't let me drive in the dark.
Does any of this ever get better? How can life/God, whatever people believe, do this to us? My word I thought I had suffered more then enough in life already, miscarriage, early hysterectomy so there was no more, divorce, but this, THIS, I have never known pain like it. They say grief is the price we pay for love, oh such a price. I pray that soon I can start to remember all my happy times with Alan, that the memories and years we had will make me smile because at the moment it's not that I've lost my smile but more like I will never, ever smile again.
I feel exactly like you Angela so I send you hugs. Hubby, I've been reading many of your posts and your story from the start and I send you hugs too, i think you are doing amazingly well and I hope I can be as brave as you in the weeks and months to come. Your cat & mouse description is so spot on.
Maybe we should think about starting a bereavement home, like a nursing home but just for those bereaved, where we can go to be supported by all those that have been there before us, just until we feel stronger, just until we learn how to smile again, just until we know we are able to move on. Anyone won the lottery and looking for something to invest their money in ..... think you would be onto a winner.
Thank you and hugs to all on here who are doing so well, one baby step at a time.