Hi All,
Thank you so much for your support on here and also the FB page (although I have to admit I find that a little overwhelming at the moment). It is amazing how when this happens we honestly believe we are the only person it is happening to.
Jeanette thank you for your supportive words. Just wanted to clear up that I am 47. My Dad was 71 and had battled this wicked disease for 6 years.
After my Dad had died last year, my Sister and I discovered, when we met with the Solicitor about the will, that Dad and Mum had been told in the January that he would not make Christmas. He died on the 23rd June. This hit me like a sledgehammer as our parents had promised us they would tell us every time they had any news on Dad's condition. They chose not to tell us this part and, at the time, I felt so betrayed. Then on go the 'Big Girl Pants'. Up went the very high, very strong brick wall and off I went. Doing what I do. Organising. Sorting. Resolving. Being strong.
I just do not know how to deal with myself and my emotions now that they are coming out. I keep thinking I am doing OK and then I fall apart. Currently this is happening in the wee small hours of the morning which is not helping my coping mechanism during the day.
I am an Management level PA in my working life so am used to coping with all sorts of issues. Keeping many plates spinning. I am just not used to feeling out of control without knowing what to do to make it right.
Everyone keeps telling me that talking will help and I am so glad that I have found all of you on this forum as I do feel able to be honest and open when I'm on here. Although I have a permanent need to apologise for the way I am right now and my verbal Diarrhoea
Thank you so much for your time and your kind words