Total mess this weekend

[Joann]

Am really struggling this weekend. After a long 7 months battle with my Step Dad and the bank I finally managed to close my Mum's bank account. I have been unable to stop crying and have just snapped at my Son, who I am incredibly close to and I hate that I have done that.
I feel I have nothing else I can do for Mum as we are using the money for the family to go to Scotland in August to scatter her ashes which was her wish. I feel so bereft and useless. I have been with my sisters yesterday but have struggled to keep it together when discussing the closure of the account and the trip. I have occupied myself with sorting all Mum's affairs as she wanted me to and have organised the trip as far as I can and now I am asking 'what now'. I don't know what to do with myself. I have been to Church today and I smile at people and ask them how they are and say I am fine but I really want to curl up into a ball and sob my heart out. How do I just carry on with my life???

[rajahh]

I think a lot if your feelings are down to your bodies reaction to finally closing the account.

This is totally normal, and understandable, so perhaps you have to do exactly what you have said you feel like doing.

Just cry it out, there are times when we have to stop being "fine".  Just give in and although drained at first you will feel better.

I once put on the old site  the definition of Fine. 

I give it to you now

F. Feelings
I. Inside
N. Not
E. Expressed.

Well perhaps now is the time to express them.

Grieving is complicated and we should always expect the unexpected.

Sending love Jeannette

[Joann]

Thank you so much Jeanette.

[Soleil]

Hi Joann,

Not only are there trauma's in losing the loved one but in finalizing paperwork and the feelings that go with it all. I also think it's completely normal as it is another chapter of your mum's life to say goodbye to. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are not useless and I'm sure your son knows the heartache of it. You know what they say, sometimes we take it out on those we are closest to because we know they will forgive us. Even though your son is young, I'm sure he knows your sorrow and just explain what a hard time you are having just now.  You will carry on with your life and come here for those moments that you need to share.  We are all here for you Joann.  Big hugs

  

[Joann]

Thank you johnmac. Luckily my son is 26 so knows I struggle sometimes. I take it hard because I believe in building people up and loving them not hurting them. I dont know where I go from here.

[Hubby]

Sorry to hear of your bad weekend Joanne.

 

[Joann]

Thanks hubby.