My husband doesn't seem supportive

[Fazzer 70]

I lost my dad ( my best friend)  8 weeks ago but still finding day by day hard to get through. My mother is lost and distraught losing dad and is crying on and off still. We can cry over silly little things and it still feels unreal now. My husband seems to think we shouldn't be crying still after 8 weeks but I think it's still very raw. Does anyone else find their partner to be this way????

[rajahh]

When I lost my daughter and grand daughter 7 years ago my husband who was the stepfather had the beginnings of dementia and promptly forgot it had happened.

This is not the same as you and your husband but I have no experience really to help you. However I know of a fruend who lost her son and her husband just expected life to go on. As normal

Sometimes men find it difficult to display, emotion, so I can imagine this could lead to seemingly a negative reaction on the death of someone.

Has he ever lost anyone close himself, or perhaps he did not have a good relationship with someone who died so does not know what pain you are going through.

We all have a unique relationship with whoever we have lost and a unique pain.

At least here you will find support, we certainly do not have a time limit on grief, as we all know it comes back, over and over. Father's Day will be hard for you, each anniversary will be hard fir you.

Tell us about your father, we often find this helps

Jeannette

[pennyking]

Unfortunaltely if someone hasn't lost a loved one they have no idea how hard it is to even get out of bed.  We are here for you and will listen and give support the best we can.  Take care.  Penny x

[Hubby]

I've not known my partner to be that way but I suspect that at some points in the past I have been that partner.

During the 32 years of my marriage my wife has lost many relatives and I have to admit I did not really understand her grief. Of course I have lost relatives over the years but was never really that close to them. I never spoke to my mother for years before she passed and my father lived far away and I only saw him every couple of years.

I used to think that people grieved for a few weeks, had a funeral, then carried on. I had no concept of people putting on a brave front and crying there eyes out behind closed doors. It wasn't until I lost my wife that I really understood the true pain of losing someone you really love.

8 weeks is no time to get over the loss of someone close. I understand that now. Your husband is probably where I was before I learned the hard way.

Wishing you strength. 

[John28]

Yes I do too. Sorry to hear it's like that for you.

My girlfriend is someone who is fine and can be supportive while the lows happen. Like she was supportive enough at mums funeral and can be supportive when i'm at a total low over everything. Yet when its the time in between, she just assumes or is not as considerate.

I mean some (most) days since mums death i'm feeling awful, I might not be thinking right to give her what she wants out of a relationship, I might not say things she wants to hear me say to her and I might not be there for her as much.

Yet, there is no understanding of any of this. It's always her who feels so hard done by. Theres been so many arguments she has caused since mums death about my lack of effort and how i'm this that and the other. We argue, I explain, she "gets it" then a week later its the same arguments again.

She doesn't understand this year of firsts, how mum missed out on my 30th birthday, how theres been so much lacking in my life now and i'm trying to get myself on track (I was a carer for mum and now i'm left to do nothing).

It's all about time with her. She wants it all working right away as a fully functioning relationship with no consideration of the hard time it is for me.

What she needs to consider is after mums death i'm effectively left with nothing. No mum, no cares allowance, no caring role, no government help. I have no income now because I am unfit to work and i'm purely living off mums inheritance.

It's a harsh cycle and some partners just can't deal with or understand what the other partner is going through when they lose a loved 1